vintage

a string of vintage pearls, laced on a sturdy string
even that picturesque image doesn't beat this
vanilla lemon scented moments sparkling under a summer sun
magnifique, you know?
small town girls aren't expected to own this
flawless, angelic gems don't often fall into small,weak palms
its been proven to my heart hope is beneficial
keeping my hands wide open even in broken moments
the heavens pretty rain fell into the eager arms
everything worked out just like they always prophesy about
any good, great thing you wait for - is worth it
this was all worth it
you were worth it, you're so worth all the diamonds
gold and silver don't hold an ounce of shine to your eyes
nothing pink, lavender or vintage can compare
i'm caught, captivated, hostage to this beauty
and those words are heavy on my mind
one, two, three

overwhelmed

i'm overwhelmed and overcome by this. who knew such an insignificant seeming day such as today, january twenty-ninth two thousand and twelve, would be the day that shook my heart. followed by a spiritual building of a stationary feeling, cemented within me. this time i know, for sure. there is not a sliver, nor a shadow of a doubt even hinting or lingering inside of me. i know. i know. just like a magicians flawless trick, every low point has disappeared. suddenly, i understand why everything else and every other road didn't work out as i'd hoped. i'm not sad about the people i've lost, anymore. i don't miss the ones who treated me cruelly, now. i'm at peace - the most satisfying, blissful peace i'll never find words to suffice the emotion pounding at my skin, longing to burst out and overcome the world. its beautiful.

the luckiest

Never in my wildest places of imagination did I ever think up a fantasy such as this one

More beautiful than that, it isn't something just thought up in my over-hopeful mind

Its reality, real life and mine

November created these flawless moments made to memories

All coming together, perfectly, causing me to finally win this magic

Just like that, puzzle pieces fell together and crafted me into the luckiest girl in the universe

Mine for Keeps

Hours after - Days after the fact
And I'm still floating in the cloud you created carefully
The cloud of 'us' you crafted
While outside the world cries small, cold tears
I rest in this cushion, my heart full of elation
Your taste lingering, still, I'm in pieces of heaven
Those blue eyes have found a stationary place in my memory
Even when you aren't near I see them
I feel your touch and the way you send sparks through me
Perfection hasn't even felt this sensation, yet
Forgive me, but I'm not sharing this what I've found
Mine for keeps
Today, with the knowledge I won't see you
Your spirit keeps me company and the knowledge you're loyal
Faithful, dedicated, good
A perfected special one
Tonight I'll lose myself in happy thoughts and memories
Shining moments bound to patch a smile to my cheeks
Bound to only make me fall more

I Felt It

I felt it. I felt it.

This time, here in the usual spot, I felt it.

I know. I know.

This time, there isn't hesitation, I know.

Its perfect. Its perfect.

This time, it is pure and glory-filled, its perfect.

I'm in. I'm in.

This time, everything is one hundred percent, I'm in.

You send me spinning
The way I effortlessly become a feather in your arms
Your hands gently, powerfully taking my face and kissing my lips
The way you touch my back, pulling me in so much closer
Your eyes whispering sparkle because you're loving it, too

How could there possibly be anywhere else I'd rather be?

Thank You, November, Dear.

My fingers have been longing for this - a chance to type, again. For so long it felt like, there was a drought in my mind, I couldn't come up with anything the least bit creative for this blog or my other. Still, I don't have anything much to say except I am happy. Happiness. Its been a long time coming especially after such a long 2011 year. I felt as if I was a constant stormy, ugly rain cloud that couldn't allow much sun in. It became a bitter lifestyle, dreary as it sounds. I conformed into the mass of people who live their lives one boring, crumby moment to the next. What a drag. Luckily there is a month called November. Yes, November saved me right before I leapt, head first, into the pit of woe-is-me. Handsome eyes and a family to match, things salvaged themselves out, I found myself under layers of brick and flowers grew around my feet, again. Thank the starry heavens I got better. I'm not really cut out to be a negative human. Cheerfulness is so much easier, lighter and lovelier. I think I'll go ahead and avoid that old ChelseaKate, yes, that sounds good. I like this one more, by far. I've been lost in rambles lately. I carry constant tunes in my head, begging for words. I'm not much for composing, however. Maybe I'll give it a shot like the good ol' days of being a confused teenager. There has to be something done with my free time. Of course, I'd rather soak up all this nothing-ness and good empty spaces rather that be glum in my own pity-world like I used to. Have I mentioned things are so much better? They are. Okay. Enough rambling and filling a white, flashing screen with words that don't mean much. I just had to let some phrases escape before I went insane - thats me for some reason, you know. Until next time.

little sister

in the long, long run - who really cares?

undoubtably it isn't the people you're inners are craving to be just like

the faces you're trying to match

the characteristics you spend hours in the mirror trying to find

little girl i wish you saw the beautiful you i see when i gaze at you

God made you, YOU because no one could do it better

in the long, long run - i'll care

i'll be your one last person who thinks the world of you

i'll be the rock with no judgement or criticism

i'll be the open arms and the shoulder to cry on when you crave it

the idols you've chosen to pick out of the cold garden are beautiful

they have a lot

but they aren't worth your time and tears

choose a new garden where the sun shines, constantly

plant your own seeds, grow your own path

be yourself

i'll be right beside you, always

a promise i'll never forget to keep

love who you are the way i love you

because

in my eyes you are leagues above even the very best

you are miles ahead and years beyond

you are you and there is no soul sweeter, better or more perfect

than you to be

you.

skin

gently, it ripples over your bone structure

making sure you are safe inside

the way it falls so easily over your angular movements on that Prince Charming face of yours

the perfect compliment to the perfect soul

not a flaw in sight

i find my eyes glued to it

when it touches, sweetly, my own lucky body, the butterflies escape their cage in my stomach

i'm lost in its presence and content in staying so

its all the rage within my own thoughts and dreams

the perfect compliment to the perfect soul

One Long Year Later

It became all too easy to doubt myself. Giving up became a habit and although I wasn't proud of it, I accepted that it had become a part of who I am. Was. Was. Its incredible how one person can grab hold of your wrist, all the while claiming they're gentle and will take care of you, let nothing happen to you. The grab is turning sore but they've scared you into believing what they say through their clenched jaw and angry eyes. Underneath their flowery lies, you find they're cruel, rough and they inflict the harm upon you they swore they'd never let touch you. A betrayal you never imagined could come from someone you were so sure was the one. 
One year later and I've safely, finally escaped the hell-hole. My hazel, proud eyes are opened to what I endured and the blessings have become abundant in successfully letting go of that past. Hard but necessary. A little battered, bruised and sore, I've emerged and am holding on with all the grip I have to the new life I've discovered, almost handed to me on a silver platter. Better than anything else, is I have my voice back and a man who will listen to it without telling me what to say or how to feel. All the sudden those years of ache are behind me, the pain is invisible and all I can wrap my mind around anymore is the beauty in the life I'm living. 

The Conversation in the Kitchen

Thank you
Those words will never suffice nor truly show you the impact you made on my heart, soul and mind. Perhaps, unless you read these words and then my mind, you'll never know what the conversation in the kitchen did to me. For once, someone finally saw deeper than my skin and had a taste of what I've felt. I saw the sympathy in your eyes, heard it in your voice and felt it in your long embraces. I needed that, I needed you, more than I was ever aware. I'm a long way from perfect, but because of you I have the confidence to get there. (i hope and i pray every single night that i never lose you) You looked me over and you smiled, called me pretty and pulled me in, again. Maybe its cliche, being a girl and all, but that gesture sent me soaring and changed the girl I see in the mirror, now. Its possible you thought everything you said were merely words, but to me, they changed me. My confidence. My happiness. My motivation. My life. I owe the heart-transformation to you, dear. You perfect person, thank you.

Really Reality

The swing of things are swinging back into place, bulkily landing at my feet reminding me how real reality is. There is the other reminder. That look in your eyes and the spark in your fingertips reinforces the knowledge you've given me that reality doesn't have to be faced alone, really. Maybe for some, and maybe I used to have that, but not anymore. You've changed the gravel path I once walked on to a flower-filled, vanilla scented stroll through the park in the middle of summer. This is the reality I'm becoming used to, praying daily it never will ever, ever end.

The Best Place in the World

These are undoubtably the longest days.

Moments, hours without you feel cold and cruel

Even when your voice is on the other line

Or your words are held in my palm

I long for your touch, kiss and handsome stare.

Physically, I'll miss you the most.

Thank heavens yesterday was so divine.

Sunday naps

My legs across your lap

You hold my hand and gently kiss it

Your entrancing blue eyes looking at mine

I stare at your profile, so captivating 

Relaxing on the leather couch

Just talking

Bonding

Feeling as good as it gets.

I can't help but let my mind wander to bigger things

I never want this to end.

Today I'll live off of memories and eager plans.

Until the next time I can wrap my arms around your body

And smile into your eyes

Finally back in the place I love to be.

The best place in the world.

You.

campus

tired eyes, dragging feet. experienced souls and newcomers all thrown together in one large plot of land. open minds and cups waiting for filling. i spy individuals napping in corners, noses hidden behind books, eyes glued to computer screens. as many in the hall as in the classrooms. scattered people avoiding eye contact. its a first-day kind of day for sure. the frostbit air gushes through the big glass doors as they open, chilling those near by and each chair slowly becoming occupied. wondering, wandering minds. 'how will i fare these next few months?' what friends will i make, who will i meet, type pondering. lounging on a circular couch to myself. ...and this is only the beginning.

The Purest Kind of Happiness

Filled to the brim with only the best
After a night of sleep and dreams
My heart is still eager to burst with this
This isn't something I've felt, before
Happiness was always mine
Always something I held here
But never has it been this happy
I owe you my world and my smile
You're the missing puzzle piece
The filler to all the holes inside me
My angel with hidden wings
Mine, best of all
My reason to smile and look forward
Everything in this moment is perfect
And flawless, just how it should be

crash

again.

i was sure this was done - water under the bridge.

but here i am

i'm looking back in that same mirror.

the last place i wanted to be.

that person will never know how much those words

no matter how lace-coated 

affect me and pierce my heart when they're harsh.

its like years of striving for approval

crash.

i'm sorry i'm imperfect. 

i'm sorry i'm not living up to the standard.

i apologize for being a lesser version of myself.

i'll try harder

i won't stop until i know you're proud.

History

I'm tangled up in you. Held on your pedestal I placed you on, you've always got me looking up.
A real miracle worker.
All the lace and sparkles in the universe can't compare. Its simple, I'm yours.
Since the beginning of my long and curious stare, I suppose I always knew you'd be the one to change my perspective.
Your fingers on my chin, you lifted my face towards the light and the rest is history.
The one time I've adored looking back; history.
Ourstory.

Waiting Room

Nothing has ever been so beautiful, in my life, before. You've removed all of the stormy clouds, replacing them with sunshine and rainbows. I always knew the wait would be worth it, dear. And from the moment I saw you, I knew you, yourself were worth it. You're all kinds of magical, you are. These are only the mindless rambles spilling from my hand while I wait. But every word is true. Only moments ago I got off the phone with you. Your voice makes my heart smile, not to mention my lips reaction. I can't help but overflow from the fullness in my heart of raw emotion you give me. The words have yet been said, but nonetheless, mine are yours.

a little broken

help

i'm trying so hard

striving 

to be good at this

all i want is to feel the way everyone else seems to

or fakes

like i do

either way, i want it

the real version

i don't want to be insecure, anymore

i don't want to always second guess myself

i want to be confident

and comfortable

in myself

in me

who i am

not in who i could be

or who i wish i was

just me

but its so much easier said than done

there's always the voice in my head

the one telling me i'm not good enough

i'm not pretty enough, i'm not smart enough

i'm not worth the fight

i constantly find myself wishing the white voice within me spoke louder

the angelic voice that says i'm perfect

i'm worth it

i'm capable

i'm beautiful, smart and plenty good for anything

i'm me and thats a blessing

i know its all true

i always have

but its easy to forget when you're me, i guess

i wish doubt left me

i could abandon fear

i wish i was confident as i pretend to be

because deep down i'm scared and i'm easily shaken and shattered

i guess this is me asking for help

your help

with you, this is the closest i've come to really being happy

well, i've always been happy

but happy in that i'm comfortable in my own pale, imperfect skin

somehow you speak to my mind and fill me with compliments

in your eyes i'm good enough

i'm the girl i'm longing to see
the girl in the mirror i can never focus on

you're helping me find that its reality

i admire that in you

among everything else

i wish i was brave enough

putting my pride aside

to ask you to help me

to open up to you completely and tell you i need help

i need help

i'm struggling and i'm a little broken

i want your touch, your hug and your smile

your perfect, flawless words

your strength in me that takes me bright places

your heart

i know who i am and i love her

but sometimes i lose sight of why

i need help getting back on my feet and keeping my chin up

i need help

your help

That Girl

I wish I was that girl
The one who said everything right
The smooth talker
The girl every girl wishes they were more like
I try so hard to break outside of this shell
But I always find myself trapped
Every part of me wants to be new
But something, one small part, holds me back
Meanwhile you stay
When everyone else ran and told their rumors
You've remained constant
The one real thing I can count on
You're seeing the potential, too
And you're patiently waiting
Waiting with me
While I fight this strange inner battle
Please don't give up on me, dear
Its coming soon
I'll be that girl
The girl I was always meant to be
Not anyone else
Just a better version of myself
You'll love her
I'll be proud of her
She's on her way

10th Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

every time

When I'm with you, I am happy. I like to be by your side.

 Every time I have the chance to speak to you, I wonder if you see the butterflies as they fly.

 There's something 'bout your magical eyes, your crooked smile and your strong arms. 

Your will to serve, your friendly voice, your listening ear, your genuine concern for who I am, my well being. 

I'm someone special in your presence, every time I'm there.

Your arms are where I find myself wishing I were.

Every day I long for the deep, beautiful conversations we lose ourselves in, each time we have one another.

You make me smile.

The passenger seat of your car...

Its too easy to recall how it feels sitting there watching you, so confident and nonchalant. 

I feel my heart wish for those bright lights.

I hear my breath as it leaves me because you, who you are, takes my breath away every time.

You make my heart beat out of control.

You make my smile emerge, no hope of concealing it.

Your touch makes me spin.

Your hugs make me believe in this shining moment.

Your voice gives me chills.

Your eyes melt my soul.

You, you make me fall more and more each day...

Every time.

cliche

Eye contact
Its never felt the way it does when I'm lost in your blue eyes.
There's something about the daydream I fall into
Its perfect. Home-like. Perfect.
I love what I have become. I love what we've become.
Everything I once thought I'd never get...is mine. Somehow.
Luck like this is just once in a lifetime.
I've finally caught it in my little fingers and I'm not letting go.
I keep trying
To figure out the perfect words to write to perfectly say this.
How I feel because of you in my world.
But nothing ever does this fairytale justice, you see.
This is only another attempt I may not even publish.
You just fill my brain with words I need to get out.
My stomach with butterflies I never want to set free.
My heart with the highest of hopes I actually believe in.
Everything is perfect, these days. Thanks to you.
I'll see you in the morning.