sunday, love.

cream lace and lemon in the air

its sunday morning

trinkets are round about

his tie on straight

music in the silence 

procrastinated lessons being planned

his charming dances

spreading faded pink smiles

across my done-up face

these are the best days

mornings of messy hair

and drowsy eyelids

and afternoons of compliments

hugs and stories

preparing with positivity

and funny faces 

for the week ahead of us

we are quite skilled

we've got this "us" thing down

and its only been five and a half months

and we just keep melting, together

become

my lips are still numb from this. quite honestly, it still feels like a dream most the time. am i really this lucky? this blessed? i am! today made me believe it even more than i already did. i'm in a state i've never been in before. the spirit has never been so strong. i know. i know. i know what i'm doing is right. i know the way i've chosen to live my life, mistakes and all, is the path laid out for me. i know that i have a bright future and that i have the potential to be someone apparently very incredible. its been brought to my attention that i will become someone far better than who i am now if i continue to press on in excellence. now that i think of it, i should try even harder, now. yes its overwhelming. its hard to believe i can be someone so grand - but if He knows i can do it - i'll believe it, too. its time to buckle up and become. really though..how did i get so lucky? me? little imperfect, boring me. wow. i'm still numb. my heart is still racing and i'm still caught up in the permanent smile and butterfly filled body. i know things couldn't be any more beautiful. how blessed am i?

rambling comes easy when excited

there aren't words
but i'll give it a try

this is extraordinary
finally
the thing every little girl dreams about
from the time she can form a thought
is mine
the time has come
for certain, its in my hands
its real
everything is as beautiful as beauty comes
and its all mine for the taking
only small months and its set in stone
wow..

i think i've tried to act mature about this
like i'm used to this feeling
this intense, overwhelming sensation of excitement
but, come on
this is once in a lifetime
so i'm dropping that act
i'll let it show, now
no regrets as to how my heart is bursting
with every emotion
last night as i tried to sleep
i felt it stronger than ever
just how real this is
and just how anxious and eager i am

i'm ready, love
to take this on
hand in hand
my mind is in place
to prepare and get things done
all i need is you

still
there just aren't words
i'm too excited for such a limited vocabulary
i'm sure i'll always keep trying..

A Little Girls Dream

I'm at that age. The age finally came. Here I am eagerly standing, nervously at the door to my future. The one I've been daydreaming of since I was young enough to craft a pretty fairy-tale. Can that time really be so close? Is this the year? Is it 2012 that will change so much? (for the best, of course) My heart is beating quickly and I think my veins are growing, somehow. I've never looked forward to something with so much passion. I've never wanted something so, so desperately. A dream come true that has only just begun and will undoubtably raise me to the highest level of cloud nine. Because the age has come and I'm old enough to know its real. The future is coming, I can taste it and graze it as it waits in front of me. It's happening, now.

admiration, adoration and obsession

i could, forever

if i could remain by your side

sitting in silence

or engulfed in chaotic noise

i'd be happy

as long as you're the hand next to me

to hold onto

i'd rather argue forever with you

than go a single second

without knowing your sweet soul

i know now

not only do i want you

but

you've become a need to my survival

i love you

i guess it is as simple as that

sometimes 'love' seems to be the only word

i can use

since words usually fail me, though

i guess i'll spend the rest of my life

proving my admiration, adoration and obsession

through action

i could, forever

and ever

let me?

Always

I guess I've always needed someone to knock some sense into me, gently or bluntly, as long as they always hold my hand in the end. I've needed a savior to point out what I'm too blind to see, then hug me tight when I've seen my foolish ways. I've always longed for you, a sweet hearted soul to be my better half and help me achieve my highest, greatest potential and kiss my lips in that knee-buckling moment to remind me you're here for me. I have always wished for you, someone to believe in me, break me out and remind me that I am perfectly fine to be myself-no one else can do it better, then lay your forehead on mine and look into my eyes.

my heart

i keep you tucked inside my heart where my love is the strongest 

and i'll spend forever believing thats where we belong

my limbs and my face will try to always remind you

while i hope you never lose sight of how big my heart has grown for you

i'm not going anywhere, i'll never leave your side

because anywhere else, no matter how tempting or temporarily beautiful

would leave me so much less happy

a half a year ago i discovered where i'm meant to stand

this place - here, with you is everything i've ever wanted

needed even, even if i didn't know it

i'm in love with everything thats unfolded in our joint-path

everything is perfect about you

fairy-tales do exist

because, look, we've found ourself in one

even if ours is untraditional

or completely predictable

its ours

nothing has ever been made so clear in my life, before

for once - no questions asked

this is just...right, and thats all there is to it

i'm happy, you make me so overwhelmingly happy

and you claim i keep you happy, too

i find it entirely, impossibly ridiculous to think it could end

so i'm calm

literally, darling, i've been calm for six months

i don't believe its ever lasted this long

theres always been something to fret over

but not anymore

well, in other issues, yes

but you're my most important train of thought

and in you - i have no worry, i have no doubts

i think of you and i'm flooded with light and a smile only you bring out in me

this is what real, true, genuine happiness feels like

you taught me

you taught me to love myself

you showed me how to accept myself

and value my existence on this pretty earth

i've said it before

you're my hero, darling, you've saved my life

you've brought me back to life

you were the angel sent here to complete me and comfort me

the person to give me back my crazy faith and hope and out-of-this-world dreams

i love you

every part of you is loved by me

i pray you never, ever forget it

you've grabbed onto my heart with both hands

and i've never been in such blessed, peaceful, meadow-like territory

i told you, i'm not going anywhere

my hearts too happy

i'd be insane to locate myself anywhere else

here is where i belong, my "home" of sorts

my sanctuary and my happiness

my heart is engulfed in goodness

and i like to think i do all of the above for you

so?

i keep you tucked inside my heart where my love is the strongest 

and i'll spend forever believing thats where we belong

Steam

Open-hearted conversation with the one you love and trust the most has got to be the most overwhelmingly, inspiringly beautiful emotion. Right? Tonight, the heat rose from the hot water and I felt the notion to open the thoughts scurrying 'round my head ..and he listened to it all. Its impossible to get luckier than this. Speaking from serious matters, comedic matters and what would, to some, be awkward matters, the words slipped our lips and everything about it was natural and heart-warming. I so loved it. The acceptance he and his big, gorgeous heart have for me is the very definition of perfection, calm and happiness. I've never been happier. Tonight as I attempt to rest my mind and body and those last few words, phrases and moments trickle through my brain - surely, the last and happiest thought I'll smile into will be tonight. The open conversation with the one and only.

i like the way you are my boyfriend

I like the way you care for me and you don't care who sees it. I like the way you look at me like theres no other girls in the world. I like the way you smile when I look over at your perfect face. I like the way you help me work to solve my problems. I like the way you listen to whatever I say, even if its boring or irrelevant to you. I like the way you dance with me with no music playing. I like the way you say I'm pretty. I like the way you have my heart in your hands and I know its safe, there. I like the way you like me. I like the way you squeeze me close to your body. I like the way you are invested in my happiness. I like the way you are mature and responsible. I like the way you make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I like the way you interact with my family. I like the way you sing - especially at church. I like the way you lift my chin up and kiss my lips. I like the way you tuck my hair behind my ears. I like the way you care for your nieces and nephews. I like the way you call me Cee Cee. I like that you're my boyfriend and I'm your girlfriend. I like the way that you drive safely. I like the way you don't let pride ruin your life. I like the way you eat. I like the way make me feel more beautiful than I've ever felt. I like the way you notice the little things. I like the way you always know what to say. I like the way you smile - that melts me. I like the way you stand behind me. I like the way you make me believe in our future. I like the way you remind me you're there for me. I like the way that you're my ultimate support group. I like the way you want to work on the things that need attention. I like the way you smell. I like the way your heart beats when I lay my head on your chest. I like the way you remember what I tell you. I like the way that you love your family and the gospel. I like the way you know right from wrong and you choose the right way no matter what. I like the way you make me like you so, so much. I like the way you're you. I like you. A lot.

Forever a Million

I don't know how you do it, but you do it well. Your thick fingertips have magic inside their veins. Each time you flawlessly take me inside that picture perfect canvas of yours I can't help my thoughts from becoming long-term, if you know what I mean. Plain and simply, I've never been happier than the moments I've been with you. Four and a half months of the most perfect kind of beautiful. People don't get much luckier than this. Its lovely. You're lovely. My ship has surrendered to your genuine charm and your sincere character. I'm yours for as long as you keep me and you better know I pray for this timeline to show no end. Somehow my insecurities don't exist, anymore, when you hold me close. You take me for me, the exact way I am, not even minutely implying your wish for me to change anything about myself. I'm forever in your favor. You've done the impossible, dear. Forever a million thank you a billion. Your kisses fill my mind with happiness, the genuine, sparkly as a diamond, kind. Your hands know exactly where to set to make the butterflies take control of my body. You stay in control, too. A trait I've long awaited in my "someone." You have standards, good ones. You have goals, you keep them. You make promises, and they are kept. I'm completely safe with you, I'll never deny it. You'll never let me down. This is where I was always supposed to be, but you found me when I needed you most. November started the fairy-tale I only thought existed in those worlds you read about in paper-back words. But you've proven me wrong. I've never been so pleased to have faulty thoughts. These miracles happen in real life, too. Finally, they're happening to me. You are beautiful and you've made me become and see my beauty. I hope I can return the favor and never let you forget your worth, your charm, the handsome face and soul, you are. I hope its an always sort of deal. You do it so well.

quick list of thanks

a small bump in the road to open another golden door. i'm thankful for your voice. coming clean and making things right with that big, lovely heart. i'm thankful for your respect. my opinion of you has only grown because of your high standards and esteem. you know how to do things the right way. i'm thankful for your example. you know how to treat a girl, how to treat me - a very welcome change to my life. i'm thankful for your parents raising you right. you accept nothing but the best but help aid the moments not up to par. i'm thankful for your patience. it was only a bump in the road, it happens. it was handled maturely, swiftly and beautifully. i'm thankful for you.

colors

i'm on a journey. finding beauty in imperfections.
sometimes my heart calls this finding inner peace and happiness.
i have that, a drought in my life.
every day is a new canvas for me to paint
how the final piece is displayed is up to me
and my attitude.
bright yellows and oranges don't always signify joy
i've found it can be a careful cover of deeper feelings.
blues, purples, deep greens, i think those are me.
but not always
because i'm ever-changing.
its all part of the process or so i'm told.
i'll let you in on a secret i don't often tell..
i think i actually enjoy it.
more than any of that, i'm enjoying the solidity i've found.
in him, of course.
mm, him.
finally, the colors on my canvas portray real joy
no matter what color i may paint, its joyful with a smile painted behind.
if only in pieces, it is there.
joy. trust. humility. strength. comfort. peace. happiness. love.
the things i'd convinced my own brain i'd never receive
because nothing was in my favor and maybe i wasn't good enough.
but he changed everything.
and i am good enough - i always have been.
tomorrow, undoubtably, i will re-pain my canvas to fit myself
but his pieces remain true and constant.
the rest of me is the daily battle ground and attitude conquers all
good or bad, the strongest is the winner.
and that, darlings, is all part of the journey.
there really is beauty, radiant, chaotic beauty in this journey.
hazel eyes just have to open to it.