my younger self

i've been looking for you
in every positive corner
my younger self
thought you'd be here by now.
nothing has been official
notifications haven't discussed
but i've always been fond
of surprises.
and my younger self
thought you'd come.
every line in this house
makes me desperately need you
and i bend and break
when you're lost
as you've always been.
waits are worth it.
waits are worth it.
but waits are agonizing
and fill me with doubt and fear.
the very opposite of you.
i know you're looking, too
maybe you are looking harder
but plans don't always align
how the two of us wish they would.
linked through stars
and wishes, hopes and dreams.
until then, thats how we'll connect.
if only you could enlighten me with 'when'
then maybe my heart would beat slower
and my eyes wouldn't be so weary
from the never ending search.
but you can't.
i can't find you. i can't hear you. i can't feel you.
so i'll search until i can.
my younger self and my current self
still believe in you.