eager

my heart is swollen with an eager excitement and anxiety
nothing like i've ever experienced before
you're constantly taking up every centimeter in my brain
opportunities have finally bowed before your diamond eyes
and you look braver
more confident
than i've ever witnessed your soul
i'm proud of you
i'm completely smitten by this side of you
the side that takes chances
the man who leaves it on the floor
willing to accept any path
any answer
any opportunity
i melt into delight thinking you're mine
all this wondfulfullness
mine
the grandest example and the bravest of heroes
my heart is wrapped around you
my brain is captivated in every inch of your being
i'm all yours
for the high times and the low times
always wishing you the highest of highs
the best of the best
everything your genuine soul deserves
i'm rooting for you, love
always on your side

all these grins

i've needed to spill for some time, now. countless times i've sat myself down under my warm blanket with my laptop on my lap and that little cursor blinking at me -- waiting for the gush of words i collect in the shoebox in my heart. but so many times, as i sit there and stare at the boring screen, i lose the train of thought i may have had. nothing comes out. so i shut it down and pretend to sleep until i finally do. its a cycle that today should be broken. ..if i really do post this. backspace is usually easy to hold down, you know.

the more i've dwelt on my life and what i release, i have found that perhaps i'm better at writing and remembering the cruel things. the down days and the sour moments. i don't document the good things nearly enough. thats why writing has been so difficult. i don't know how to accurately describe all these amounts of happiness i possess. but man, if i were sad, i could write a thousand novels.

there just aren't words that can explain how i feel and i can't paint pretty enough imagery.

but you should know, with every fiber of my being - i am happy.

so

i can't cry tonight
the glue on my eyes will run
regardless
i wish i could've poured it out for you
cups of salty tea falling down
don't ask why, please
it just feels right
i am settling in on cloud nine
and every emotion is nearby
crowding me with their strength
i'm so happy
of course its easy
to become overwhelmed
or so worried something will break
but i've found something concrete
something to believe in
wholeheartedly
i believe in us with all i can believe in
the big picture is what i try to focus on
the forever and ever part
the white moment that sparkles
starting a new chapter
binding two into one
tying a knot - the strongest kind
beginning a family
loving, overall
why wouldn't i be happy?

forever words

you make me excited
i smile bigger than i've ever done
i'm in love
and i'm in it deep
never been better, in fact
and things..
things are only getting better
growing stronger
tightly wound and binding
forever words
you left me breathless again
tonight as you walked away
i couldn't quit grinning
even after i closed the door
my mind kept traveling
to the soon months to come
how blessed am i?
wow
everything is perfect about this
i've never been more ready
i'm so in love

making plans

this talk..

those words

get me so excited

i can't believe it

these grown up things are happening

to me

we are talking long term

making plans

with eternities on our tongues

smiling and keeping eye contact

things are on their way to changing our lives

planning a future

one side by side

hand in hand

together

it gives me butterflies

because its real

it isn't a tale in my head

or a book to be read

its reality

its me and you

and we're talking about it

no more beating around that bush

we're planning on it

and you call it soon

this year, even

dreams are coming true this year

two lives will change

together

how neat is that?

Change of Mind

I am comfortable with the thoughts, now. Ready, even. Or I will be, at least. I'm not ready, yet. Everything is falling into place and my heart isn't so insecure, anymore. Its...eager. I never thought I'd say that. Like you said, I'll have you - so its okay. I'm not worried. I'm not as awkward as I once created myself to feel. The storm settled over the clouds above this and I'm peaceful with whats to come. Patience is the game, again. For this, I won't complain. Yet, I suppose. But you should know you fixed my worries in that state of mind. We'll be fine, of course. Just like you said. You don't know how much those talks meant, dear. Is it selfish to admit I hope more will come? I do. The nerves still remain - they always will until the fears are faced, but besides that (normal) train of thought, you'll find me becoming more and more comfortable.

You do amazing things to my heart, mind and soul.

Home is Where the Heart Is

Its where I fit so perfectly. When everything is good or when everything is wrong, its simple; its where I belong. Would it be alright with you if it is where I call home? Its where I'm most comfortable, the place I'm anxious to fall into, the hold I need throughout every second of my day. I love it. I love you, the way you hold me there, comfortably, sweetly and strongly. I'm safe there in your arms. I'm happiest there. Words don't accurately describe the way my heart sings and flutters when you've got me there, darling. I hope you know this. Its you. Just like I imagined from the beginning. I know I'm stubborn and hard to get through to on occasion, I'm all too typical of a girl, sometimes, but you somehow always know what to say to get me to break and release whats held in. Then, again, I can find myself back in my favorite, safest place. The home where my heart is free to feel and to dream and to really be itself. Its where I fit so perfectly when all I need is to fit.

Good morning, May. I'll admit, I've been anxious for you. There is something about you that has had me captivated for weeks, now. Perhaps its the happiest place on earth that awaits me at the end of your days, or maybe its the simple fact that it will be another thirty-one days spent with the most beautiful man earth has to offer that I'm blessed enough to call mine. Spring is good, too, and thats where your sweet-scented days fall. I'm eagerly awaiting the warm nights and big, friendly stars you'll graciously offer me, as well. Oh, you lovely month, I think I'd even go as far to say I've missed you. May, you know we've had a few bad rounds in the past years, but you're on my side this year, aren't you? I know you are. You're lovely and I'm so happy to welcome you back. Good morning, dear May, may the smiles await.