november

hello, its been a while. and since the last time i've spilled, my whole world has changed. my dreams i've wished for and written so often about are coming true.
its november, i tell you.
november was beautiful last year because it introduced me to the love of my life. it scattered flowers on my path and introduced me to true, true lasting love.
this november will be even better - i'm putting a label on our love. we'll call it: forever. time and all eternity.
i am marrying my best friend. 
it is so overwhelmingly beautiful. to say i'm happy, thrilled or ecstatic doesn't do this emotion justice. i am in the perfect place, i just have to wait two more lovely months for the most raw, perfect perfection. it feels long -- but i'm spending the days leading up to that white day with him. so of course i'll be alright. you don't even understand how lucky i am to have him.
i've always been living the dream..and i'm now in the real good part. the icing on the cake. the cherry on top.
oh, november.

writing has become difficult, lately. i don't know why - there just aren't words to accurately explain every detail of every emotion i'm experiencing. i don't know if i want to reveal those shadows, anyway. perhaps this is a blessing. who knows. this is writers block, i'll bet. and here i am..writing, still.

at least i am sure of some things. i know that when his arms are wrapped around me - i am home. the happiest i've ever been. i know that his eyes are a sanctuary, my place of refuge and comfort. i know that my family will always be there to back me up and hold me. i know that life is changing in a few months, but its part of a lovely, eternal plan. i know things will be different and i'll be worried and stressed out - but i have the support of phenomenal people who will help me in this transition. i know that i am so, so in love and its a mutual feeling. i know that i am blessed beyond belief and the luckiest girl on earth.

thats more than enough.

forever words

you make me excited
i smile bigger than i've ever done
i'm in love
and i'm in it deep
never been better, in fact
and things..
things are only getting better
growing stronger
tightly wound and binding
forever words
you left me breathless again
tonight as you walked away
i couldn't quit grinning
even after i closed the door
my mind kept traveling
to the soon months to come
how blessed am i?
wow
everything is perfect about this
i've never been more ready
i'm so in love

rambling comes easy when excited

there aren't words
but i'll give it a try

this is extraordinary
finally
the thing every little girl dreams about
from the time she can form a thought
is mine
the time has come
for certain, its in my hands
its real
everything is as beautiful as beauty comes
and its all mine for the taking
only small months and its set in stone
wow..

i think i've tried to act mature about this
like i'm used to this feeling
this intense, overwhelming sensation of excitement
but, come on
this is once in a lifetime
so i'm dropping that act
i'll let it show, now
no regrets as to how my heart is bursting
with every emotion
last night as i tried to sleep
i felt it stronger than ever
just how real this is
and just how anxious and eager i am

i'm ready, love
to take this on
hand in hand
my mind is in place
to prepare and get things done
all i need is you

still
there just aren't words
i'm too excited for such a limited vocabulary
i'm sure i'll always keep trying..

making plans

this talk..

those words

get me so excited

i can't believe it

these grown up things are happening

to me

we are talking long term

making plans

with eternities on our tongues

smiling and keeping eye contact

things are on their way to changing our lives

planning a future

one side by side

hand in hand

together

it gives me butterflies

because its real

it isn't a tale in my head

or a book to be read

its reality

its me and you

and we're talking about it

no more beating around that bush

we're planning on it

and you call it soon

this year, even

dreams are coming true this year

two lives will change

together

how neat is that?

Change of Mind

I am comfortable with the thoughts, now. Ready, even. Or I will be, at least. I'm not ready, yet. Everything is falling into place and my heart isn't so insecure, anymore. Its...eager. I never thought I'd say that. Like you said, I'll have you - so its okay. I'm not worried. I'm not as awkward as I once created myself to feel. The storm settled over the clouds above this and I'm peaceful with whats to come. Patience is the game, again. For this, I won't complain. Yet, I suppose. But you should know you fixed my worries in that state of mind. We'll be fine, of course. Just like you said. You don't know how much those talks meant, dear. Is it selfish to admit I hope more will come? I do. The nerves still remain - they always will until the fears are faced, but besides that (normal) train of thought, you'll find me becoming more and more comfortable.

You do amazing things to my heart, mind and soul.

Pieces Eventually Make a Whole

Every time you go home
A piece of me you take.
But I know I'll be safe there, soon.
After all, all these pieces
Will someday make a whole
Bringing me there, next to you
Forever, if only.
Every day is one day closer
To the biggest day, you know?
I'll be patient
You'll be strong
And we won't give up
On this
Or each other.
You don't believe in Hollywood
So we'll make something better
While we build up this painting
Anticipating each tomorrow.
When you steal another piece of me..

A Little Girls Dream

I'm at that age. The age finally came. Here I am eagerly standing, nervously at the door to my future. The one I've been daydreaming of since I was young enough to craft a pretty fairy-tale. Can that time really be so close? Is this the year? Is it 2012 that will change so much? (for the best, of course) My heart is beating quickly and I think my veins are growing, somehow. I've never looked forward to something with so much passion. I've never wanted something so, so desperately. A dream come true that has only just begun and will undoubtably raise me to the highest level of cloud nine. Because the age has come and I'm old enough to know its real. The future is coming, I can taste it and graze it as it waits in front of me. It's happening, now.

Prince Charming

i saw it again, last night

as i lay in bed - it was there

its a half a second of a moment i see in the future

our future

you're standing, smiling looking to your right

looking as handsome as i've ever seen you

holding your lapel with your right hand

taking my breathe away

your hair is placed perfectly

making you look like a real life Prince Charming

you blink

and my heart flutters

i can only imagine how my soul would fly

when you look at me in that second

i'm soaring just thinking of it

the background behind you fills me up

i'm ecstatic and know this lasts forever

its beautiful

its that brief moment i see almost daily..

and i can't get enough of it

until i see it in real life

colors

i'm on a journey. finding beauty in imperfections.
sometimes my heart calls this finding inner peace and happiness.
i have that, a drought in my life.
every day is a new canvas for me to paint
how the final piece is displayed is up to me
and my attitude.
bright yellows and oranges don't always signify joy
i've found it can be a careful cover of deeper feelings.
blues, purples, deep greens, i think those are me.
but not always
because i'm ever-changing.
its all part of the process or so i'm told.
i'll let you in on a secret i don't often tell..
i think i actually enjoy it.
more than any of that, i'm enjoying the solidity i've found.
in him, of course.
mm, him.
finally, the colors on my canvas portray real joy
no matter what color i may paint, its joyful with a smile painted behind.
if only in pieces, it is there.
joy. trust. humility. strength. comfort. peace. happiness. love.
the things i'd convinced my own brain i'd never receive
because nothing was in my favor and maybe i wasn't good enough.
but he changed everything.
and i am good enough - i always have been.
tomorrow, undoubtably, i will re-pain my canvas to fit myself
but his pieces remain true and constant.
the rest of me is the daily battle ground and attitude conquers all
good or bad, the strongest is the winner.
and that, darlings, is all part of the journey.
there really is beauty, radiant, chaotic beauty in this journey.
hazel eyes just have to open to it.