learning how life plays out

i have new friends now. thanks to him, i've got the best ones imaginable and i've found the very best, closest friend in him. if you're going to spend forever with someone it should be that way, really. but i'll admit, sometimes i wish i didn't have to lose my old friends. because thats what happened. i lost them. and i learned forgiveness doesn't make things go back to how they once were. it doesn't fix everything and erase bad days. the clock keeps ticking and life doesn't pause long enough to pretend the past never happened. its bittersweet to see the photographs. those lovely girls smiling, looking beautiful as always. i'm happy to see them happy and still so close, but theres always the piece of me remembering when i used to be in the shot, too. funny how things change like that. but like i said, i have new friends - the best of the best, really. i wouldn't trade them for diamonds. but wouldn't it be sweet if i'd only have gained friends and not lost a single one?

making plans

this talk..

those words

get me so excited

i can't believe it

these grown up things are happening

to me

we are talking long term

making plans

with eternities on our tongues

smiling and keeping eye contact

things are on their way to changing our lives

planning a future

one side by side

hand in hand

together

it gives me butterflies

because its real

it isn't a tale in my head

or a book to be read

its reality

its me and you

and we're talking about it

no more beating around that bush

we're planning on it

and you call it soon

this year, even

dreams are coming true this year

two lives will change

together

how neat is that?

Change of Mind

I am comfortable with the thoughts, now. Ready, even. Or I will be, at least. I'm not ready, yet. Everything is falling into place and my heart isn't so insecure, anymore. Its...eager. I never thought I'd say that. Like you said, I'll have you - so its okay. I'm not worried. I'm not as awkward as I once created myself to feel. The storm settled over the clouds above this and I'm peaceful with whats to come. Patience is the game, again. For this, I won't complain. Yet, I suppose. But you should know you fixed my worries in that state of mind. We'll be fine, of course. Just like you said. You don't know how much those talks meant, dear. Is it selfish to admit I hope more will come? I do. The nerves still remain - they always will until the fears are faced, but besides that (normal) train of thought, you'll find me becoming more and more comfortable.

You do amazing things to my heart, mind and soul.

promise

don't look over your shoulder - thats only the past calling you back
it brought you here, it raised you, right
but tonight i'm praying you'll face forward
its these cryptic words i catch myself tangled in
effortlessly
don't hold the hand of the tempting one, there
i promise mine won't release the grasp
some things aren't destined to be broken
intertwined, forever
perfectly how life was intended to be lived
forget about what stops you
focus on what drives you to make Him proud
lose yourself in what you want
not what you think you need
sometimes your wants need satisfaction
but never lose sight of the bigger picture
remember those who'll never deceive you
never ask you to be anyone you're not
hold tight to this rope
anchor yourself to mine
we can float, together
just promise me you'll always stand proud
remembering how wonderful you are
to me
and to everyone you meet
something special beyond the dictionaries vocabulary
don't turn your eyes behind you
thats only what you know
its the unknown that really holds an adventure, anyway
jump in
face this lifetime with your chest held high
your eyes upward
and your smile brightly glowing 'cross your face

give it all

"i

i give it all

i trip and fall

for you

and i 

hope you wouldn't mind

just one more try

for something new

i need you

i need you

don't be shocked

if i cry

you've changed me

inside

you are the only reason

i pull through

i pull through"

-he is we

daydreaming

i dream about it every night, now

if not in sleep - daydream

quite honestly, it consumes my whole heart, now

its all i want

its what i work for

what i pray for every morning and night

when i think of anything

its that thought

wondering (patiently, of course) when the day will arrive

perfectly at the door to my forevers

i'm more in love than i knew possible

better than fairy-tales, romantic movies and novels about love

what we created is better

don't you agree, darling?

its night time, now

so goodnight my love

i'll dream of you, again, tonight

The Way

You're so good. The way everyone else's wants and needs are placed before your own. The way you have a passion for the people you love and care for. The way you have this stunning eye contact that sends my heart into paradise. The way you wrap your arms around my body at the exact time I need a hug, most. You're so good. The way you are so wonderfully perfect.

Just Talking

Reminiscing. 

Do you remember the night we laid in my room for hours

Just talking

Maybe those are the moments you say we should try for

At least once a week

Just talking - getting deeper

I'd adore it, love

I love your face when you talk serious

The way your eyes radiate intensity

You mean what you say

And you'll keep the promises you make

I trust you with my full heart

And know this can only grow

Just talking

Pieces Eventually Make a Whole

Every time you go home
A piece of me you take.
But I know I'll be safe there, soon.
After all, all these pieces
Will someday make a whole
Bringing me there, next to you
Forever, if only.
Every day is one day closer
To the biggest day, you know?
I'll be patient
You'll be strong
And we won't give up
On this
Or each other.
You don't believe in Hollywood
So we'll make something better
While we build up this painting
Anticipating each tomorrow.
When you steal another piece of me..

i need you to fix me, again, love

seeds of insecurity are easy to plant
bravery seeds are harder
and i falter almost every time
accepting the fact that right now
i'm insecure

all i need to feel better
bluntly

is you

until the end of forever

and lucky for me
(and hopefully you feel the same)

...forever has no end

This is Gross

Its like every fake thing was bottled up and now, let out, but for no reason. My mind can't keep up with the way my heart is racing - my emotions holding tight to the reigns. I want this to be over with so I can really enjoy things. No more of this half-hearted stuff. I want the weight off my chest, gone, and the hole in my thoughts, filled. But right now, thats too much to ask and not even the strongest doses of medication fix that. Its the price you pay, everyone tells me. I know that, but when the moments here, theres no logical thinking available. A pick-me-up would be nice, but I don't know if the usual would work, this time. Its like a stubbornness you can't shake. Eventually, hopefully even tomorrow, things will even out, again. The chemicals in my body will remember the peaceful way to navigate inside me. For now, I will just fight it. Or lay here on the couch. Probably the latter.

Forever Bells

The sound has been loud in my ears the past few months

I always ignored it

Because these are the moments I can't let myself bring up

Hoping, daily, you would

But take your time, I need to learn to be patient, anyway

In the meantime, you can find me with my head in the clouds

Forever bells ringing loud and clear

Promising me the future I've been wishing for

lay beside me

i'll lay here if you lay beside me

 i don't like doing things alone

 after all this time with you near me

 i think i'm realizing you are home.