thick liner and pressed flowers

i feel as if i should go back to what i consider my "roots" when it comes to spilling my soul onto pages or spilling it through scattered, frantic fingertips. i've strayed too far. tried too hard to conform. that has never been my style, just inquire of my educators as i grew up. i'll be me, thanks. old pictures. forced visions. description in a way i call just. the style i so desire - the things that i love. only a new chapter. time away has altered only small pieces. insignificant to you, greatly important to me. you know, the kind of writing that reminds you of classic red lipstick, thick black liner, pressed flowers and old, dusted novels. the comfort-food lyrical words. me.

Grassy Haven

I'm stuck in the middle. Trapped between being fair - being liked and doing what I feel is right - or what I want to be right. So how do you choose which side to take? Which field of grass do you jump into while you're teetering on top of the fence you find yourself on, so often? Which side do you justify? Which field is the right one? How do you find out - and be completely sure of - which choice is the one you should grasp? I just need some stability under my feet. A grassy haven, no more wooden splinters. So I keep on praying - my answer is due in the warmer months, anyway.

Newtown

things will infect you. people will show they have stronger cruel sides - making you doubt the natural goodness everyone supposedly possesses. that isn't true in all the cases, we all know by now. some people (& thank goodness only some) are awful. textbook definitions of evil. their sins, unfathomable. how can someone be so terrible? take lives of little ones, mothers, friends, neighbors, sons and daughters? then coward away in his own blood. its sickening. i wonder what he hoped to accomplish by doing such a grievous act. did he ever once stop? or stutter his trigger finger, taking a brief moment to think of what he was doing? think on the lives he was ending and the families he was about to rip hearts out of? did he think of the mothers? the unwrapped christmas gifts? the beds a family should hope to expect their child inside each night? how is it that despite things people should just know, he acted. its disgusting. sickening. absolutely terrible.
if there is any silver lining to such a sorrow - at least they are in a better place. the children back with their Heavenly Father. safe out of any more of harms way. protected from worldly heartbreak. happy in such a brilliant and bright place.

my heart and prayers and love go to the families, friends and others effected by such a tragic event.
xoxo