This is Gross

Its like every fake thing was bottled up and now, let out, but for no reason. My mind can't keep up with the way my heart is racing - my emotions holding tight to the reigns. I want this to be over with so I can really enjoy things. No more of this half-hearted stuff. I want the weight off my chest, gone, and the hole in my thoughts, filled. But right now, thats too much to ask and not even the strongest doses of medication fix that. Its the price you pay, everyone tells me. I know that, but when the moments here, theres no logical thinking available. A pick-me-up would be nice, but I don't know if the usual would work, this time. Its like a stubbornness you can't shake. Eventually, hopefully even tomorrow, things will even out, again. The chemicals in my body will remember the peaceful way to navigate inside me. For now, I will just fight it. Or lay here on the couch. Probably the latter.

Storm

Ah, I need to write. Maybe that will calm the tornado inside of my stomach before the hurricane of tears, that has been sitting right behind my eyes for a few days, now, overwhelms me. What makes this feeling worse is that I don't even know why I feel so small next to my emotion. What is wrong with me? I could easily suck it up to being female. Hormones, you know? But what if I feel like its something more than that? Its been a whisper in my mind a few days, but today it hit me like a rock. Something inside of me isn't settled like it should be. I can't place my finger on what it is. Well, I know I'm worried about something. That, I know. Why am I worried, though? I have a tremendous family, a loving boyfriend who means the world to me. I have good friends, again. I have shelter, safety and security. So what is it? Fine, I'll call it hormones.