vulnerable

i always thought i could do it alone. at least, i convinced myself i could.
too shy, embarrassed and afraid to say something wrong to ever ask for help.
caught up in this twisted circle i was learning i needed someone
placing my trust and my secrets with the wrong people every time.
each time they swore they'd never leave me
they'd never let me face trails alone
then the second a trial came along - they were gone.
i want to tell you how much you mean to me.
i want to tell you thats why i was afraid to open up
every time i had before, that as when the boy said goodbye.
its foolish to think that way, really. i know.
you've proven time and time again that you're above them.
you're different than them.
the most perfect kind of different.
today you gave me the push that turned to shove that i needed.
sure, the way it came about was probably less than traditional
not what either of us imagined, i'm sure of it
and no one wants to find themselves locked in an argument
but nonetheless it was the key to my padlock.
you found it - not even i knew it was there
and you opened me up.
you said you could read me like an open book, anyway.
i'm so glad you didn't drive home when you first wanted to.
tonight i needed you more than ever.
imagine what the night could have been if you did..
as the night progressed, my feelings came out more and more
the most meaningful remembrance of this will be you promising
promises i know you won't break like the rest of them did.
i have trust issues. but not with you, now, dear.
you said we will get through this. we will make it. we will be okay.
and somehow i knew you meant it.
you care for me and you aren't going to let me fall down, again.
never have i been so vulnerable in front of someone.
i've never let my guard down like that - i keep it to myself
but you're the most special person in my life and i mean it
and you deserve to know the real me.
along with this come promises. just be patient with me.
i promise i'll open, more.
but its hard to break a painfully-shy shell, you know?
just know i'm trying and please, please don't give up on me.
i'm going to change and i'm going to improve
this you can count on.
i'm sorry i haven't exposed myself so brightly, yet.
but i will.
and if you don't believe it now, i will prove it to you.
have faith in me. i'm awkward.
you saved me. you grabbed me before i splatted at rock bottom.
you forced eye contact and promised me the light at the end of the tunnel.
i believe you with all that i am.
i love you for everything you've done
for grabbing my face and watching my emotion
for reading me like a book
for making me talk
for not allowing me to shy away
for promising its okay not to be perfect
i'll still be pretty.
God gave me you for these ups and downs
and i don't plan on letting you go, if you wouldn't mind.
i know i can't do it alone. i'm going to need help.
and i've got you.