Spider Web Thoughts

I make myself laugh at how bipolar my insides are

Its like, sometimes..

I want everything I'm working against

There, of course, are the few certainties

Things I'll never, ever give up

But then there are the wandering ones

Spider web thoughts

Crawling through my veins

Up into my brain

Cycled to my heart

Lets face it, half the time I don't know what I want

I think I'm caught up in my age

Feeling old and mature

But in reality

I'm sure I'm still young and naive

I still need the help 

I can't decide if I like asking for

However

Wishing I was given real agency is still there

Sitting in the front of my mind

Someday it'll be noticed

Maybe even given

For now, I am in this odd cycle

The old and new spiders

Infecting me with all their possibilities

Good and bad

Happy and sad

You know the whole ordeal

The whole darned ordeal

But also, its amazing

If it wasn't already clear, allow me to tell you, now

I'm torn in what I am usually thinking

The pros and the cons always get me

Different sides seem fine

Each could be pleasing

I'll admit it..

I know the real answer

I'm just caught in the moment, now

Surely, I'm staying here

Still small and under a ruling thumb

But its where I've chosen to place myself

Actions of a lifetime led me here

Time to grasp it

Like I usually do

It was only a weird morning

you captivate me, still

nothing is more perfect

than the rush of butterflies i get

when you hug me from behind

feeling you breathing on my neck

as we talk, smile and laugh, together

i crave it

i adore it

i love it, of course

it never fails to send me spinning

and cause my heart to smile

nothing is more brilliant

than your beautiful blue eyes

i'm shocked, sometimes

that i've known you so long, now

and still get goosebumps

when i make eye contact with you

i crave it

i adore it

i love it, of course

i'm never anything short of twitterpaited

completely captivated by your radiance

terribly, incredibly in love with everything about you

Storm

Ah, I need to write. Maybe that will calm the tornado inside of my stomach before the hurricane of tears, that has been sitting right behind my eyes for a few days, now, overwhelms me. What makes this feeling worse is that I don't even know why I feel so small next to my emotion. What is wrong with me? I could easily suck it up to being female. Hormones, you know? But what if I feel like its something more than that? Its been a whisper in my mind a few days, but today it hit me like a rock. Something inside of me isn't settled like it should be. I can't place my finger on what it is. Well, I know I'm worried about something. That, I know. Why am I worried, though? I have a tremendous family, a loving boyfriend who means the world to me. I have good friends, again. I have shelter, safety and security. So what is it? Fine, I'll call it hormones.

Simpler Love

You make me warm inside as you send chills down my skin

To put it simply, you are perfect

Simpler, I love you

Its why I call you my Love Bird

The best emotion and all this new freedom from everything I needed

I crave you

The feeling you give my heart is the feeling we're all meant to find

You're every single kind of perfect

Perfectly wonderful

And my happiness, hero and earthly angel

You keep me warm whilst the goosebumps rage on

While the fire still burns

Sparks fly

Simply, my love bird, I adore you

I love, love, love you

Real

It takes a real man, and the most ultimate kind of gentleman to let his girl know he loves her, even after he's had her a while.

It takes the very luckiest girl to get that kind of man.

Its a miracle I'm the girl who found that man.

A Little Girls Dream

I'm at that age. The age finally came. Here I am eagerly standing, nervously at the door to my future. The one I've been daydreaming of since I was young enough to craft a pretty fairy-tale. Can that time really be so close? Is this the year? Is it 2012 that will change so much? (for the best, of course) My heart is beating quickly and I think my veins are growing, somehow. I've never looked forward to something with so much passion. I've never wanted something so, so desperately. A dream come true that has only just begun and will undoubtably raise me to the highest level of cloud nine. Because the age has come and I'm old enough to know its real. The future is coming, I can taste it and graze it as it waits in front of me. It's happening, now.

The Fondest

i missed your goodbye kiss, tonight, and begin wrapped up tightly in your arms like i've grown so used to. i'll never take that for granted, again..if i ever did. i always knew those instances were special beyond words descriptions. i was happy, tonight. it was a good evening in the presence of my beautiful family, but i still felt like half of me was absent - the better half, of course. sure, the days you'll be gone aren't long, but when you've become so accustomed to being with someone every single day, theres a sensation of nakedness when they're away. you know what they say, though. absence makes the heart grow fonder. mine already has traveled leaps and bounds. my heart is so fond of you. i can't wait to spend forever in this if you want it as badly as i do. which i believe you do. so my heart is hopeful in this whole ordeal. i hope you're safe and warm, tonight. know that you are on my mind and i'm loving you, strongly. happy hunting, love.

I Wouldn't Mind

Merrily we fall
Out of line, out of line
I’d fall anywhere with you
I’m by your side
Swinging in the rain
Humming melodies
We're not going anywhere until we freeze
I’m not afraid, anymore
I’m not afraid
Forever is a long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side
Carefully we'll place our destiny
You came and you took this heart, and set it free
Every word you write or sing is so warm to me, so warm to me
I’m torn, I’m torn to be right where you are
I’m not afraid, anymore
I’m not afraid
Forever is a long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side
Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile
I wouldn't mind it at all
I wouldn't mind it at all
You so know me
Pinch me gently
I can hardly breathe
Forever is a long, long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side
Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile
I wouldn't mind it at all
I wouldn't mind it at all

Prince Charming

i saw it again, last night

as i lay in bed - it was there

its a half a second of a moment i see in the future

our future

you're standing, smiling looking to your right

looking as handsome as i've ever seen you

holding your lapel with your right hand

taking my breathe away

your hair is placed perfectly

making you look like a real life Prince Charming

you blink

and my heart flutters

i can only imagine how my soul would fly

when you look at me in that second

i'm soaring just thinking of it

the background behind you fills me up

i'm ecstatic and know this lasts forever

its beautiful

its that brief moment i see almost daily..

and i can't get enough of it

until i see it in real life

overwhelmingly satisfied

goodness

if my life had a title, i'd entitle it; overwhelmed

but not in the way where i feel hopeless and despair-trapped

overwhelmed in a good way

a perfect way

overwhelmed at the blessings that are poured upon me, daily

overwhelmed by the spectacular people in my life

overwhelmed by the love i've fallen into 

overwhelmed that i've found my real, amazing best, best friend

overwhelmed that i'm so certain of some things

overwhelmed by visions of the next few months and what treasures they hold

just..overwhelmed

small

it is small and not so bad, after all. the aches and pains are rather minuscule compared to what others are trying to battle. so, really, i'm lucky. the important thing is to keep moving. keep moving forward because standing still gets you nowhere, of course. all you need is a trustworthy soul by your side and the faith to continue. i've got it all in my pocket and the path is set for the walk. here we go. count your blessings, because in reality, it is small.

your talent

you do it so easily - taking my breath away like its your strongest, greatest talent
holding me so close to your body, i'm in the very place i need to be
this is surely the place i was born to find and grow attached to
you've put a sparkle into my life that no one else could ever do quite as well as you
i love you and thats as simple as i can make it
everything you do fills me to the brim with every good emotion
i'm head over heels in this, fully devoted and with an always and forever heart in your hand

everything happens when it should, in its own, RIGHT time

thick walls closing in on every side - her body is shaking and her mind is overwhelmed in deep, intense thought. its almost classified as a bearable, border-line enjoyable pain. sorrow, perhaps? regardless, the feeling is real and patience is becoming something like the Devil. a difficult virtue to embrace, a thought she repeats all too often for sanity. life is a ride, meant to be enjoyed, but its less than flawless when her heart becomes so eager it nearly bursts each night as she sleeps in a blur of insomnia and dreams. wishes. dreams, however, do become reality, from time to time. she smiles to herself, believing this is a reality coming to pass. the warm air and sparkling stars don't even to justice to his beautiful face as she thinks back on his touch and his kiss. its overwhelming, certainly. but every kind of perfect that any blooming blossom should want to need..and just need. its perfect, really. the wait, and all.

Rhymes

You are the wind thats underneath me

You are the fire that burns inside me

You are the reason that I smile

The reason I'd go the extra mile

Without you here, I'm nothing

You give my soul reason to sing

I'm in the debt of your sweet heart

You and I can't ever be apart

I am in this - forever with you

Oh my darling, I love you