Next Time Isn't Coming Soon Enough

You took my breath away, again. But this time was different. This time I felt deep emotions stir that I didn't know existed. This time everything I wished for came into the lime-light and I could see them actually occurring, one day. It may have been a long time waiting, and I kept you waiting long enough, but as we agreed - so worth it. You've got me anxiously awaiting next time. Yum. I wonder if you could read my thoughts as easily as they came to my mind. Its a flawless sort of beautiful. I love everything about it and from this point on, its only getting better. Wow. You took my breath away. Tonight was great.

Progress?

I feel like sometimes all I am is one big disappointment. It’s embarrassing and awkward to come by. It isn’t natural to approach people with this problem, either, so I bottle it up and let the liquids fill until I burst within the solitary comfort of my room. But it doesn’t feel comforting at all. It’s never been easy for me to open the front door and allow another pair of ears to hear the cries from my lips and the worries on my mind. I’m sheltered because I created myself this way. I carefully crafted myself to be dependent on myself but honestly, its never worked. I needed someone every step of the way. It was always only wishful thinking up until recently. Even now, I know there is that soul that wants me to be open up completely, but its still new, scary territory. I’m trying so hard to break down my walls stuck together with stubborn behavior and selfish shyness. A work in progress is never really done. But it progresses, or so I'm told.

The Sunglasses Song

You left your sunglasses on my fireplace

And I'm taking it as a sign that we're gonna go places

'Cause if you didn't want to see me again

You would have taken them home

You leave a stamp on my heart

And a kiss on my face

You lift my feet off the ground

I'm all over the place 

You make me happy

You make me smile

It hasn't happened in a heck of a while

Because 

You are everything I want

You are everything I need

Ooo, you're handsome, too

Aaa, I like you a lot

You hold my hand when we walk to the door

You got, you got me always wishing for more

And your blue eyes leave me hypnotized

You're my lovely

My daily surprise

You leave a stamp on my heart

And a kiss on my face

You lift my feet off the ground

I'm all over the place

You leave me breathless

You blow me away

I wanna stay here everyday

Because

You are everything I want

You are everything I need

Ooo, you're handsome, too

Aaa, I like you a lot

I love your smile

The way you make me laugh

I love how you can see

Through all my broken glass
I love this part
All the words I hear
One day I'll tell you
All those words I feel

Because you are...

I was sure it was a shot in the dark. A target I'd never hit. A goal purely unreachable.

But I aimed true. I hit the target. I reached the goal.

waiting

patience

never has this seemingly small world been one of my valued virtues. a daily struggle. a hard moment to wait out. its when i discover myself wishing for something that has yet to happen in my little sheltered life. i find myself in a state of mind where all i want is that large, white moment. i want it so badly. i have found every other piece, i want the rest of it to fall together, now. finish this puzzle and make the next with the one i'm meant to. the figure always on my eager, impatient mind. but all there is, is time, i guess. so patience i must practice. because this moment i'm waiting for is so, so worth the wait. i hope the figure knows it, too.

hello's

words willfully escaping, floating through the air we breathed together as we lay cuddled underneath the ceiling. i'm happy here. you seem to be happy, too. to me this is something that should last for always. our beautiful tale is riveting, always leaving me more cheerful. i never enjoy seeing you go, but our goodbyes are delicious. and they make for the possibility of the daily hello's i look forward to so much throughout my entire day. there's a thought rolling around my mind, lately. life is about to get trickier for me. but i know that you aren't going anywhere - you're here and you aren't leaving me. you never will. you're here for me and when you utter those flawless words, i believe each one that flow through your teeth. its magical, you know. so beautiful, so real. so right.

You Know Me

You know me.

And you're the first to do so.

You've studied me and figured me out.

My mannerisms

My characteristics

My faces

and insecurities.

You know them.

You know me.

Because of that - you've won me.

I'm yours, of course.

I always have been.

You know what to say

When words hurt.

You know how to hold me

When I ache.

You know how to find the part of my heart

That listens and trusts you

And speak straight to it.

You know me so well.

Finally someone cared enough to.

You've figured me out.

You broke through the walls.

You cracked the shell.

You learned

Listened

Watched

Asked questions

and remembered.

Now

You know me.

Stone in the Road

This. This is freedom. It has been so, agonizingly long since I last opened my eyes to a field of open sky and new air filling my lungs. I'm breaking out, slowly or quickly (its all in the eye of the beholder, of course), from the shell covered with walls I carefully crafted and I'm realizing that the place I am at is the place I'm supposed to be. This is right. This is the stone in the road I was meant to pick up, hold tight and turn into a diamond. This is the me I'm supposed to grasp - and I'm doing it. I'll fight for this one. I'll cry for this one. I'll finally stand up for what I believe in because this is one of the only things I do believe in with all my heart and soul. I'm in it, for good because this is so right. Almost too good to be true, but not because it is. The freedom you've introduced me to, the new way of life, the change of perspective you've given me overwhelms my happiness with hope and faith of this bright lights shining down on our little tale. Its the emotion I've always wished for. The power I needed. You were always my hero from the first time I laid eyes on you. I wished this could happen so I prayed it could happen. And look how far we've come.. Open fields of the most elegant kind of perfect.

Freedom.

vulnerable

i always thought i could do it alone. at least, i convinced myself i could.
too shy, embarrassed and afraid to say something wrong to ever ask for help.
caught up in this twisted circle i was learning i needed someone
placing my trust and my secrets with the wrong people every time.
each time they swore they'd never leave me
they'd never let me face trails alone
then the second a trial came along - they were gone.
i want to tell you how much you mean to me.
i want to tell you thats why i was afraid to open up
every time i had before, that as when the boy said goodbye.
its foolish to think that way, really. i know.
you've proven time and time again that you're above them.
you're different than them.
the most perfect kind of different.
today you gave me the push that turned to shove that i needed.
sure, the way it came about was probably less than traditional
not what either of us imagined, i'm sure of it
and no one wants to find themselves locked in an argument
but nonetheless it was the key to my padlock.
you found it - not even i knew it was there
and you opened me up.
you said you could read me like an open book, anyway.
i'm so glad you didn't drive home when you first wanted to.
tonight i needed you more than ever.
imagine what the night could have been if you did..
as the night progressed, my feelings came out more and more
the most meaningful remembrance of this will be you promising
promises i know you won't break like the rest of them did.
i have trust issues. but not with you, now, dear.
you said we will get through this. we will make it. we will be okay.
and somehow i knew you meant it.
you care for me and you aren't going to let me fall down, again.
never have i been so vulnerable in front of someone.
i've never let my guard down like that - i keep it to myself
but you're the most special person in my life and i mean it
and you deserve to know the real me.
along with this come promises. just be patient with me.
i promise i'll open, more.
but its hard to break a painfully-shy shell, you know?
just know i'm trying and please, please don't give up on me.
i'm going to change and i'm going to improve
this you can count on.
i'm sorry i haven't exposed myself so brightly, yet.
but i will.
and if you don't believe it now, i will prove it to you.
have faith in me. i'm awkward.
you saved me. you grabbed me before i splatted at rock bottom.
you forced eye contact and promised me the light at the end of the tunnel.
i believe you with all that i am.
i love you for everything you've done
for grabbing my face and watching my emotion
for reading me like a book
for making me talk
for not allowing me to shy away
for promising its okay not to be perfect
i'll still be pretty.
God gave me you for these ups and downs
and i don't plan on letting you go, if you wouldn't mind.
i know i can't do it alone. i'm going to need help.
and i've got you.

Everything is Butterflies

Small and powerful

Capable of moving me in the deepest ways

I am happy, here.

You open the gates and let the flood in

And just like that I'm filled.

The butterflies escape

And captivate my entire self

Inner and outer, I'm totally yours.

Its that look

Its that touch

Its that smile

As simple as that I collapse into your chest

And make secret wishes.

Wishing to never lose what we've crated

To never let go of this fairy-tale reality.

While I dance inside your arms

With the butterflies raging inside

I smile and look into your magical blue eyes

Motivated and ready to take on the world

Because I know you're the one that won't leave me

Broken and alone, theres just no way, I've figured out.

I'm madly head over heels into this.

Both feet are in this and I'll never ever jump out.

Your laugh echoes in my ear

And your lips on my forehead take me higher.

The butterflies fly on

There is no controlling their over-the-top joy.

You make me smile like I've never before done.

Small and powerful gestures and moments

Just like the butterflies you release daily inside me

Are the reasons I can do this.

The reason I am.

My reason.

Everything with you, dear, is butterflies.

Nothing to Change

you grabbed my heart strings by the reigns and changed my perspective.
i opened myself to you and told you the parts of me i wish were changed.
your blue eyes pierced my hazel ones when you told me theres nothing to change.
how do you know exactly what to say to lift me back to my feet? you're amazing.
touching my flaws you smiled and admitted the truth
the truth that put a lasting grin followed by a giggle on my face.
i only hope that i can do the same for you that you do for me.
you save me, raise me and fix every broken piece of me.
you grabbed my heart strings, looked deep inside and changed my world.

february first

warm breath against cold glass - i'll release my lungs

pressed up against your body i'll reach my skinny finger out

tracing a heart across the window

emotions tied up into my little piece of art

the symbol of how you make me feel and what this is

continual growth of something so perfect has never flourished so sweetly

a new set of weeks placed in a short, cold month

surely bringing new memories and reasons to smile along with it

times on our side and so are the good kind of vibes

everything is so perfect

and this is only helping the fairy-tale skate along

welcome, february

what adventures will you bring?