admiration, adoration and obsession

i could, forever

if i could remain by your side

sitting in silence

or engulfed in chaotic noise

i'd be happy

as long as you're the hand next to me

to hold onto

i'd rather argue forever with you

than go a single second

without knowing your sweet soul

i know now

not only do i want you

but

you've become a need to my survival

i love you

i guess it is as simple as that

sometimes 'love' seems to be the only word

i can use

since words usually fail me, though

i guess i'll spend the rest of my life

proving my admiration, adoration and obsession

through action

i could, forever

and ever

let me?

Still Here

Another night of built up hopes brought to life, effortlessly - and I'm still feeling all of you here with me, around me, on me, safely, as I allow night time to swallow me into a dreamland. I hope I find you there, because to be honest, I miss you the moment you begin walking away. It is too entirely sweet. Perfect as the sun setting over the mountains. My fingers twitch around as if they are lost without being in between yours. Thank heavens for tomorrows. I so hope you're sleeping well.

Home is Where the Heart Is

Its where I fit so perfectly. When everything is good or when everything is wrong, its simple; its where I belong. Would it be alright with you if it is where I call home? Its where I'm most comfortable, the place I'm anxious to fall into, the hold I need throughout every second of my day. I love it. I love you, the way you hold me there, comfortably, sweetly and strongly. I'm safe there in your arms. I'm happiest there. Words don't accurately describe the way my heart sings and flutters when you've got me there, darling. I hope you know this. Its you. Just like I imagined from the beginning. I know I'm stubborn and hard to get through to on occasion, I'm all too typical of a girl, sometimes, but you somehow always know what to say to get me to break and release whats held in. Then, again, I can find myself back in my favorite, safest place. The home where my heart is free to feel and to dream and to really be itself. Its where I fit so perfectly when all I need is to fit.

Things I'll Never Say

"I'm tugging at my hair

I'm pulling at my clothes

I'm trying to keep my cool

I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet

My cheeks are turning red

I'm searching for the words inside my head

I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you're worth it

You're worth it

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

Whats wrong with my tongue

These words keep slipping away

I stutter, I stumble

Like I've got nothing to say

If I could say what I want to say 

I'd say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say"
-Avril Lavigne

..but maybe, someday..

Missing You

Oh my gosh, I miss you.

I really thought these few days without you wouldn't be so empty, but they are.

I'm naked without you, my other half is gone

The handsome man who is always by my side..isn't, tonight.

All I can let myself dwell on, to save myself from loneliness

Is the monumental amounts of fun you must be having with your brothers in one of your favorite locations.

Also, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder

And missing someone is your hearts way of reminding you that you love someone

I love you so much.

But, wow..I miss you, tonight.

Its an awkward feeling spending a Saturday night alone.

Its bizarre not having your arms wrapped round me while I lay on your chest

Talking, laughing and falling asleep..

I can't wait to see you, tomorrow.

Come home, safely, okay?

I love you, darling.

Best, Best Friend

I'm in the mood to spill. My heart is beating, bursting out of my chest as I lay here in the dark, encircled by the glow of the computer screen. I suppose I have a lot on my mind, tonight. Don't fret, though. Its only goodness and anticipation. There isn't an ugly thought in sight, for once. I'm finding myself, here in a lovely light - basking in the glow of what I've built with my best, best friend. I think of him and my heart gets warm and I blush to myself. Its glorious. I love him and I'm seeing the very best images when I picture what this future could be like. Think it could really happen? I do. Theres a reason we're together, me and him. So why wouldn't the days ahead of us be flower fields and sunny days? Mm, how lucky I am.
There. I spilled. Goodnight, lovelies.

No More Circles

I wish I could perfectly remember each sentence you say. Especially your words and phrases from tonight. Because, tonight was perfect. Untraditional, for sure. But perfect. Everything I needed to hear fell into my heart and I am calm, finally at ease. I know what I need to work on - you reminded me, again, and its still my work, hopefully in progress. Change doesn't happen over night, of course. But together, we're something unbeatable, never duplicated, one of a kind. No more circles, our path is headed straight into a forward, long-lasting fashion. Its where we both know in the back of our minds we belong, anyway. If we didn't, we wouldn't have come so far and held on so long, never giving up on one another. I still swear that, by the way. I will never, ever give up on you, you beautiful person. 

Tonight, I lay in bed with a smile on my face and a larger grin across my heart. Everything is falling into place. Our future is securing itself more and more with each passing goodnight kiss and I'm falling more and more in love with this, each time I look into your silky blue eyes. I'm happy here. I'm easily free. I'm with you, forever, I hope. Where I swear I am meant to be.

Able

I know how to do this. I shouldn't have to still take instruction on something I've securely managed. All you're doing at this point is planting seeds of false-worthy in my mind. Let it be. Let me live and learn. I am capable of doing something right - this right. Trust in me like you tell everyone else you do. I'm able. I've got it under control, safely in my heart.

not a want, but a need

I need you.

Because I can't imagine a day without you, let alone a lifetime. 

So, please, stay with me, stay mine, forever and ever.

Always

I guess I've always needed someone to knock some sense into me, gently or bluntly, as long as they always hold my hand in the end. I've needed a savior to point out what I'm too blind to see, then hug me tight when I've seen my foolish ways. I've always longed for you, a sweet hearted soul to be my better half and help me achieve my highest, greatest potential and kiss my lips in that knee-buckling moment to remind me you're here for me. I have always wished for you, someone to believe in me, break me out and remind me that I am perfectly fine to be myself-no one else can do it better, then lay your forehead on mine and look into my eyes.

Still Little

I guess we never really do grow up
After all, each day we're one day older and yesterday we were just young and stupid
Emotions still overcome us
Happy endings and sad tales make us cry
Mommy and daddy always save the day
And there will always be the feeling of being small and incapable
And strong and unstoppable
Someone's always bigger and better
There will always be the person who holds your hand and says you can do anything
You'll never really want to be alone
The world will always be big and your dreams even bigger even when they change
Home is where you'll always long to be, under a roof with the people who love you most
I guess we never really do grow up

Soldier

A brave, humble soldier with a battle wound or two but no less perfect. Valiant and vigilant he fights not only for himself but for those around him, his loved ones back home. Bravery and faith and the hope of a new, more perfect tomorrow keep his head held high. The belief that all scars one day will heal keeping him hopeful. He was raised well and knows right from wrong and that tough times don't last. He's one of the few who truly qualify as an ultimate example. Respected by many and friendly to all, he never puts himself first. The most wonderful soldier fighting on despite his wounds, desperations and his own inner-battles. The most noble, tremendous soul always ongoing no matter what.

my heart

i keep you tucked inside my heart where my love is the strongest 

and i'll spend forever believing thats where we belong

my limbs and my face will try to always remind you

while i hope you never lose sight of how big my heart has grown for you

i'm not going anywhere, i'll never leave your side

because anywhere else, no matter how tempting or temporarily beautiful

would leave me so much less happy

a half a year ago i discovered where i'm meant to stand

this place - here, with you is everything i've ever wanted

needed even, even if i didn't know it

i'm in love with everything thats unfolded in our joint-path

everything is perfect about you

fairy-tales do exist

because, look, we've found ourself in one

even if ours is untraditional

or completely predictable

its ours

nothing has ever been made so clear in my life, before

for once - no questions asked

this is just...right, and thats all there is to it

i'm happy, you make me so overwhelmingly happy

and you claim i keep you happy, too

i find it entirely, impossibly ridiculous to think it could end

so i'm calm

literally, darling, i've been calm for six months

i don't believe its ever lasted this long

theres always been something to fret over

but not anymore

well, in other issues, yes

but you're my most important train of thought

and in you - i have no worry, i have no doubts

i think of you and i'm flooded with light and a smile only you bring out in me

this is what real, true, genuine happiness feels like

you taught me

you taught me to love myself

you showed me how to accept myself

and value my existence on this pretty earth

i've said it before

you're my hero, darling, you've saved my life

you've brought me back to life

you were the angel sent here to complete me and comfort me

the person to give me back my crazy faith and hope and out-of-this-world dreams

i love you

every part of you is loved by me

i pray you never, ever forget it

you've grabbed onto my heart with both hands

and i've never been in such blessed, peaceful, meadow-like territory

i told you, i'm not going anywhere

my hearts too happy

i'd be insane to locate myself anywhere else

here is where i belong, my "home" of sorts

my sanctuary and my happiness

my heart is engulfed in goodness

and i like to think i do all of the above for you

so?

i keep you tucked inside my heart where my love is the strongest 

and i'll spend forever believing thats where we belong

on the line

"i told you my hearts leaning towards you

a little more than i knew

something was scaring you

is it too much?

or too fast?

or too forward?

should i step back and pretend

i don't feel this way?

i don't wanna tell a lie

i don't wanna have to hide

its on the line

i've waited for a sign

i see it in your eyes

i know you really feel the same

i need to know if i should raise or fold

my heart is stuck on hold

i wanna know which way to go

i can't love alone

i can't love alone

i tried not to fall so far for you

now i can't get away from anything you say

you make me feel nervous and childlike

whenever i tell you i'm tired of playing games

i don't wanna tell a lie

i don't wanna have to hide

its on the line

i've waited for a sign

i see it in your eyes

i know you really feel the same

i need to know if i should raise or fold

my heart is stuck on hold

i wanna know which way to go

i can't love alone

i can't stay here wondering if you love me

if you don't say it

at least speak

..its on the line i've waited for a sign

i see it in your eyes 

i know you really feel the same

i need to know if i should raise or fold

my heart is stuck on hold

i wanna know which way to go

i can't love alone"
-katelyn tarver-

6

a half a year of pretty

half a year of bliss

flawless blessings

Steam

Open-hearted conversation with the one you love and trust the most has got to be the most overwhelmingly, inspiringly beautiful emotion. Right? Tonight, the heat rose from the hot water and I felt the notion to open the thoughts scurrying 'round my head ..and he listened to it all. Its impossible to get luckier than this. Speaking from serious matters, comedic matters and what would, to some, be awkward matters, the words slipped our lips and everything about it was natural and heart-warming. I so loved it. The acceptance he and his big, gorgeous heart have for me is the very definition of perfection, calm and happiness. I've never been happier. Tonight as I attempt to rest my mind and body and those last few words, phrases and moments trickle through my brain - surely, the last and happiest thought I'll smile into will be tonight. The open conversation with the one and only.

love

Good morning, May. I'll admit, I've been anxious for you. There is something about you that has had me captivated for weeks, now. Perhaps its the happiest place on earth that awaits me at the end of your days, or maybe its the simple fact that it will be another thirty-one days spent with the most beautiful man earth has to offer that I'm blessed enough to call mine. Spring is good, too, and thats where your sweet-scented days fall. I'm eagerly awaiting the warm nights and big, friendly stars you'll graciously offer me, as well. Oh, you lovely month, I think I'd even go as far to say I've missed you. May, you know we've had a few bad rounds in the past years, but you're on my side this year, aren't you? I know you are. You're lovely and I'm so happy to welcome you back. Good morning, dear May, may the smiles await.