i really hope

how was i supposed to ever know that life could get so perfect? before you there was no way i could ever tell. thank heavens for you. i am so head over heels in this for you, love. i'd convinced myself i was a nobody but you saw i was a somebody and you don't let me forget that. you're perfect, i swear. is it too forward to say i hope i never lose you? because there is nothing more truthful than that statement, right there. you are my savior, hero and best friend and you entered the scene when i needed you most, when i was splattered at rock bottom you held my hand and motivated me to stand, again, promising you'd help me stay upright. and you keep your promises, i see it in your charming eyes. you're unlike everyone else. you're honest, respectful and a gentleman to defeat everyone else who claims they're so chivalrous and fabulous. somehow i managed to make you mine, to top it all off. yeah, its true, i hope i never lose you. i have been beaten and bruised and full of insecurity but you my handsome one have knocked the tragedies right out of mind - the place they've dwelt for far too long. how can i ever make it up to you? i really hope i never lose you.

End This War

This shouldn't feel like a competition, this should feel light and magical. You're turning this to mud. Why can I not have this moment to myself? If it goes as I wish it to, you'll have it forever, too. Right now, though, its mine and I am doing my best to keep this beautiful thing for all eternity. If you're the one to ruin it or make it awkward or stand still my heart would shatter. Let me have my time, I beg you. I'm a big girl and I know how to do this by myself without your coaching and shoving. This is my moment, my thing and I'm trying so hard to be patient with the process but this is making it more difficult. Please see my point of view. Accept my position and my situation as I've tried so hard to do with you. You have yours. Let me catch mine. This is supposed to be my magical moment but it feels like a war.

quick list of thanks

a small bump in the road to open another golden door. i'm thankful for your voice. coming clean and making things right with that big, lovely heart. i'm thankful for your respect. my opinion of you has only grown because of your high standards and esteem. you know how to do things the right way. i'm thankful for your example. you know how to treat a girl, how to treat me - a very welcome change to my life. i'm thankful for your parents raising you right. you accept nothing but the best but help aid the moments not up to par. i'm thankful for your patience. it was only a bump in the road, it happens. it was handled maturely, swiftly and beautifully. i'm thankful for you.

Because of You

I've never found myself happier

Last night you made me feel the best I've ever felt

The confidence I've been filled with since those moments

Is astounding and has left a permanent smile on my face

You know what I've struggled with for years

And those words and actions last night

Have made those worries disappear

I'm happy with me and with who I am

And what I look like

You're magical

You're the one

You're my hero

Thanks to you

There is finally a light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel

You're the sunshine I couldn't find on my own

"One hell of a support group"
We both know how easy it is for me to fall back into it
But even if I do
I know I've got you to save me

Because of you, I can

colors

i'm on a journey. finding beauty in imperfections.
sometimes my heart calls this finding inner peace and happiness.
i have that, a drought in my life.
every day is a new canvas for me to paint
how the final piece is displayed is up to me
and my attitude.
bright yellows and oranges don't always signify joy
i've found it can be a careful cover of deeper feelings.
blues, purples, deep greens, i think those are me.
but not always
because i'm ever-changing.
its all part of the process or so i'm told.
i'll let you in on a secret i don't often tell..
i think i actually enjoy it.
more than any of that, i'm enjoying the solidity i've found.
in him, of course.
mm, him.
finally, the colors on my canvas portray real joy
no matter what color i may paint, its joyful with a smile painted behind.
if only in pieces, it is there.
joy. trust. humility. strength. comfort. peace. happiness. love.
the things i'd convinced my own brain i'd never receive
because nothing was in my favor and maybe i wasn't good enough.
but he changed everything.
and i am good enough - i always have been.
tomorrow, undoubtably, i will re-pain my canvas to fit myself
but his pieces remain true and constant.
the rest of me is the daily battle ground and attitude conquers all
good or bad, the strongest is the winner.
and that, darlings, is all part of the journey.
there really is beauty, radiant, chaotic beauty in this journey.
hazel eyes just have to open to it.

hopelessly romantically captivated

a hopeless romantic always caught up, lost in a daydream of a fairy tale

nothing lasting even stayed

but hope has a way of remaining in her eager heart

a well worth it wait finally knocked on her door

a handsome prince

with a sparkling smile and captivating blue eyes

the daydream is real, these days

Forget

We forget. We forget all the time.
Life is short and fragile and some people are dealt incredibly difficult hands.
Every moment is a gift
Only some people are really reminded of that.
Some people have to endure hell
And they are the ones who clearly realize how easy we have it
Too humble to scream it.
Here I am ungrateful for so much, always finding life to complain about
When in reality
I have the most fortunate life
I'm lucky, blessed, gifted and given an easy lot.
She hasn't been so lucky and I'm more blessed than ever
To know her
To smile at her
And to see her smile regardless of all the tragedy she's endured
Is still enduring.
We forget. I forget all the time.
But goals are changing me - never forget, please.