Believe Me

To the rest of the world it's hidden - only a few really know. I'm lucky enough to be one. You view it as a weakness, I see it as a trait (or trial, perhaps) that makes you stronger than you already are. If only you could see it as well. You don't though, so it's my job to give it my best attempt and prove to you and remind you that you are truly one of the worlds best. I'm still new at this, I hope you'll remember - but I am going to try as hard as you do when my heart is feeling shattered. I hope I fix you, even if only a little.
You are wonderful. Nothing short of magnificent. You are my greatest blessing, best gift and truest friend. I'll go until forever ends trying to make you believe that.

Beds

Stuck in a world that keeps on turning, I'm caught in this moment with you. It's the same place I find myself every night. Lost in the sound of your sweet slumber while you twitch yourself to sleep. I smile and my heart jumps as I lay beside you - always beside you. The most wonderful person in the world. Mine for eternity. All of it. You are sleeping now, your breathing is heavier and I am still awake - catching glances of your relaxed silhouette. I'm so in love. In the morning we will wake. Messy hair and tired eyes, your arms will find their way around my body as you pull me in close and kiss my forehead. You'll ask how I slept and how my throat feels. I'll tell you I love you and I'll secretly hope we never would have to get out of this bed. I could stay here forever just being with you. Only you. Talking about whatever, crying if we need to, laughing when we can. Being so in love. So in this. These have become the moments that steal my heart, that I lose myself in. The place I am so sincerely happy.

When?

When is it my turn? When do I get to have the first and final say? When will I be brave enough to be the person I'm sure you want me so desperately to be?
I keep on imagining it will happen as miracles sometimes do.. But when will I have that magic stroke of luck?

Newtown

things will infect you. people will show they have stronger cruel sides - making you doubt the natural goodness everyone supposedly possesses. that isn't true in all the cases, we all know by now. some people (& thank goodness only some) are awful. textbook definitions of evil. their sins, unfathomable. how can someone be so terrible? take lives of little ones, mothers, friends, neighbors, sons and daughters? then coward away in his own blood. its sickening. i wonder what he hoped to accomplish by doing such a grievous act. did he ever once stop? or stutter his trigger finger, taking a brief moment to think of what he was doing? think on the lives he was ending and the families he was about to rip hearts out of? did he think of the mothers? the unwrapped christmas gifts? the beds a family should hope to expect their child inside each night? how is it that despite things people should just know, he acted. its disgusting. sickening. absolutely terrible.
if there is any silver lining to such a sorrow - at least they are in a better place. the children back with their Heavenly Father. safe out of any more of harms way. protected from worldly heartbreak. happy in such a brilliant and bright place.

my heart and prayers and love go to the families, friends and others effected by such a tragic event.
xoxo