november

hello, its been a while. and since the last time i've spilled, my whole world has changed. my dreams i've wished for and written so often about are coming true.
its november, i tell you.
november was beautiful last year because it introduced me to the love of my life. it scattered flowers on my path and introduced me to true, true lasting love.
this november will be even better - i'm putting a label on our love. we'll call it: forever. time and all eternity.
i am marrying my best friend. 
it is so overwhelmingly beautiful. to say i'm happy, thrilled or ecstatic doesn't do this emotion justice. i am in the perfect place, i just have to wait two more lovely months for the most raw, perfect perfection. it feels long -- but i'm spending the days leading up to that white day with him. so of course i'll be alright. you don't even understand how lucky i am to have him.
i've always been living the dream..and i'm now in the real good part. the icing on the cake. the cherry on top.
oh, november.

my miracle

so many words are rocketing through me
i'm temporarily forgetting how to form legible thoughts
i'm captivated in this nine month moment
anticipating forever spent with him
its a pounding through my body
the constant reminder that he is mine
and i am his
its an inner battle
between hoping i'll always be good enough
and hoping we'll never lose the spark
praying each night to be mushy in-love
even when we're old and gray
there is a bliss in these afternoons
i am melting into him more every day
as he calms my fears
he is my miracle
the reason i am strong each morning
and confident every night
always knowing if i falter
he'll be there to stabilize me, again

writing has become difficult, lately. i don't know why - there just aren't words to accurately explain every detail of every emotion i'm experiencing. i don't know if i want to reveal those shadows, anyway. perhaps this is a blessing. who knows. this is writers block, i'll bet. and here i am..writing, still.

at least i am sure of some things. i know that when his arms are wrapped around me - i am home. the happiest i've ever been. i know that his eyes are a sanctuary, my place of refuge and comfort. i know that my family will always be there to back me up and hold me. i know that life is changing in a few months, but its part of a lovely, eternal plan. i know things will be different and i'll be worried and stressed out - but i have the support of phenomenal people who will help me in this transition. i know that i am so, so in love and its a mutual feeling. i know that i am blessed beyond belief and the luckiest girl on earth.

thats more than enough.

...

i can't wait until we don't have to say goodbye at night
        only goodnight.

so

i can't cry tonight
the glue on my eyes will run
regardless
i wish i could've poured it out for you
cups of salty tea falling down
don't ask why, please
it just feels right
i am settling in on cloud nine
and every emotion is nearby
crowding me with their strength
i'm so happy
of course its easy
to become overwhelmed
or so worried something will break
but i've found something concrete
something to believe in
wholeheartedly
i believe in us with all i can believe in
the big picture is what i try to focus on
the forever and ever part
the white moment that sparkles
starting a new chapter
binding two into one
tying a knot - the strongest kind
beginning a family
loving, overall
why wouldn't i be happy?

forever words

you make me excited
i smile bigger than i've ever done
i'm in love
and i'm in it deep
never been better, in fact
and things..
things are only getting better
growing stronger
tightly wound and binding
forever words
you left me breathless again
tonight as you walked away
i couldn't quit grinning
even after i closed the door
my mind kept traveling
to the soon months to come
how blessed am i?
wow
everything is perfect about this
i've never been more ready
i'm so in love

rambling comes easy when excited

there aren't words
but i'll give it a try

this is extraordinary
finally
the thing every little girl dreams about
from the time she can form a thought
is mine
the time has come
for certain, its in my hands
its real
everything is as beautiful as beauty comes
and its all mine for the taking
only small months and its set in stone
wow..

i think i've tried to act mature about this
like i'm used to this feeling
this intense, overwhelming sensation of excitement
but, come on
this is once in a lifetime
so i'm dropping that act
i'll let it show, now
no regrets as to how my heart is bursting
with every emotion
last night as i tried to sleep
i felt it stronger than ever
just how real this is
and just how anxious and eager i am

i'm ready, love
to take this on
hand in hand
my mind is in place
to prepare and get things done
all i need is you

still
there just aren't words
i'm too excited for such a limited vocabulary
i'm sure i'll always keep trying..