Spider Web Thoughts

I make myself laugh at how bipolar my insides are

Its like, sometimes..

I want everything I'm working against

There, of course, are the few certainties

Things I'll never, ever give up

But then there are the wandering ones

Spider web thoughts

Crawling through my veins

Up into my brain

Cycled to my heart

Lets face it, half the time I don't know what I want

I think I'm caught up in my age

Feeling old and mature

But in reality

I'm sure I'm still young and naive

I still need the help 

I can't decide if I like asking for

However

Wishing I was given real agency is still there

Sitting in the front of my mind

Someday it'll be noticed

Maybe even given

For now, I am in this odd cycle

The old and new spiders

Infecting me with all their possibilities

Good and bad

Happy and sad

You know the whole ordeal

The whole darned ordeal

But also, its amazing

If it wasn't already clear, allow me to tell you, now

I'm torn in what I am usually thinking

The pros and the cons always get me

Different sides seem fine

Each could be pleasing

I'll admit it..

I know the real answer

I'm just caught in the moment, now

Surely, I'm staying here

Still small and under a ruling thumb

But its where I've chosen to place myself

Actions of a lifetime led me here

Time to grasp it

Like I usually do

It was only a weird morning