Grassy Haven

I'm stuck in the middle. Trapped between being fair - being liked and doing what I feel is right - or what I want to be right. So how do you choose which side to take? Which field of grass do you jump into while you're teetering on top of the fence you find yourself on, so often? Which side do you justify? Which field is the right one? How do you find out - and be completely sure of - which choice is the one you should grasp? I just need some stability under my feet. A grassy haven, no more wooden splinters. So I keep on praying - my answer is due in the warmer months, anyway.

Good morning, May. I'll admit, I've been anxious for you. There is something about you that has had me captivated for weeks, now. Perhaps its the happiest place on earth that awaits me at the end of your days, or maybe its the simple fact that it will be another thirty-one days spent with the most beautiful man earth has to offer that I'm blessed enough to call mine. Spring is good, too, and thats where your sweet-scented days fall. I'm eagerly awaiting the warm nights and big, friendly stars you'll graciously offer me, as well. Oh, you lovely month, I think I'd even go as far to say I've missed you. May, you know we've had a few bad rounds in the past years, but you're on my side this year, aren't you? I know you are. You're lovely and I'm so happy to welcome you back. Good morning, dear May, may the smiles await.

february first

warm breath against cold glass - i'll release my lungs

pressed up against your body i'll reach my skinny finger out

tracing a heart across the window

emotions tied up into my little piece of art

the symbol of how you make me feel and what this is

continual growth of something so perfect has never flourished so sweetly

a new set of weeks placed in a short, cold month

surely bringing new memories and reasons to smile along with it

times on our side and so are the good kind of vibes

everything is so perfect

and this is only helping the fairy-tale skate along

welcome, february

what adventures will you bring?

Thank You, November, Dear.

My fingers have been longing for this - a chance to type, again. For so long it felt like, there was a drought in my mind, I couldn't come up with anything the least bit creative for this blog or my other. Still, I don't have anything much to say except I am happy. Happiness. Its been a long time coming especially after such a long 2011 year. I felt as if I was a constant stormy, ugly rain cloud that couldn't allow much sun in. It became a bitter lifestyle, dreary as it sounds. I conformed into the mass of people who live their lives one boring, crumby moment to the next. What a drag. Luckily there is a month called November. Yes, November saved me right before I leapt, head first, into the pit of woe-is-me. Handsome eyes and a family to match, things salvaged themselves out, I found myself under layers of brick and flowers grew around my feet, again. Thank the starry heavens I got better. I'm not really cut out to be a negative human. Cheerfulness is so much easier, lighter and lovelier. I think I'll go ahead and avoid that old ChelseaKate, yes, that sounds good. I like this one more, by far. I've been lost in rambles lately. I carry constant tunes in my head, begging for words. I'm not much for composing, however. Maybe I'll give it a shot like the good ol' days of being a confused teenager. There has to be something done with my free time. Of course, I'd rather soak up all this nothing-ness and good empty spaces rather that be glum in my own pity-world like I used to. Have I mentioned things are so much better? They are. Okay. Enough rambling and filling a white, flashing screen with words that don't mean much. I just had to let some phrases escape before I went insane - thats me for some reason, you know. Until next time.

Really Reality

The swing of things are swinging back into place, bulkily landing at my feet reminding me how real reality is. There is the other reminder. That look in your eyes and the spark in your fingertips reinforces the knowledge you've given me that reality doesn't have to be faced alone, really. Maybe for some, and maybe I used to have that, but not anymore. You've changed the gravel path I once walked on to a flower-filled, vanilla scented stroll through the park in the middle of summer. This is the reality I'm becoming used to, praying daily it never will ever, ever end.

Ready To Go

Its cold outside and the snowflakes sleeping on the ground remind me of last Christmas. I didn't feel well but I was comfortable in that situation, in that body. Things were hazy but life was easy then. Little did I know my life would change completely in that next month. Everything I had my bets placed on fell to pieces. Hearts I trusted dropped my sanity. Friends I called the best broke their promises. People I thought I knew showed they had multiple faces. I lost everything I swore I needed. I messed up. I faltered. I was nothing because everyone else made me feel as if that were the truth. As the months kept passing, injuries would heal but swiftly were replaced by new heart attacks. It wasn't easy. July brought promise but that turned into dust. September was the breaking point.
Then November came around.
It was expected to be miserable like everything else. I'd learned not to place high hopes in coming days and this was no different.

Its funny and magical how your eyes can meet a pair of pretty eyes and next thing you know, your whole world is changed for the better. In the instances you find yourself in with a soul yours matches with, perfectly, your messy past makes sense because it brought you to this moment in time. Somehow your flaws and your insecurities shrivel up and don't matter because others judgments don't exist when you're with those pretty eyes. All that matters is the two of you.

Life never got easier. I just got stronger and found a lovely hand to hold that makes promises it keeps. The light at the end of the tunnel I could never find is mine, now, and things can only go up from here. Rock bottom is the best place to build a firm foundation. Here I am, ready to do this. Ready to go.

December

Welcome, welcome month of frozen cheeks and ice-cold fingers. Welcome back numb toes and late-night shivers. Now that you're here and you've brought your chills, I realize I've actually missed you - not just for your pretty holiday and the chance I get to celebrate another year of my life - but because you, yourself are pretty great, too. If only you'd let buckets of snow flakes tumble gracefully to the earth. It will be official, then. So welcome back, December. Good to see you, again.