Impatient Skin and Bone

I can't breathe, lately. Honestly. My chest is heavy with weight and thought. I'm overwhelmed with thought--consumed inside my own manic world where all I do is over think things that surely don't require this much wrestling within me. But thats me. Always. I have everything on my mind and wish so crazily that I had a way to solve every problem not only with me, but with the world. Sometimes imperfection, even when I make no attempt to fix it, kills me. Oh, me. It usually comes back to one thing. Patience. That will be my lifelong struggle, definitely. I want what I want and I want it, now. Especially lately. See, there are moments coming up, I think...its not just me, everyone thinks so and there have been signs and actions confirming my suspicions. That is when my lack of patience begins to boil inside me. Its sort of awful, sometimes. I wish I could take it slow and be one of the people who truly are fine with the fact that things happen when they're meant to. That mentality is great and all, but why not now? Now sounds good, doesn't it? Really, though. This moment that I hope, I really, really hope is on its way, is huge. I want it. Sure, I'm not ready but they say you're never ready for this. So bring it on, you know? On top of those little white hints and the anxiety of forever, I feel worthless, occasionally. I don't do much. Education is lazy right now and I don't make a cent. Change is on its way in that department but it freaks me out. Nobody wants someone with my "work" history and getting shot down so often eventually does something to your confidence. I suppose I should work on being one of those overly-optimistic people. They're so cool. Luckily the summer stars are coming back. They've always been my closest friends. They know my heart better than any human, I think. I need a break. A breather. A moment away from commotion and uncertainty. I need a solid answer if forevers on its way and I need confirmation I'll eventually make something out of my life. I've always known my calling as a mother would be the real destination, but until then I want to stop being wasted skin and bone on earth. Time for change to prepare for change, it'd seem. Wouldn't it?