One Long Year Later

It became all too easy to doubt myself. Giving up became a habit and although I wasn't proud of it, I accepted that it had become a part of who I am. Was. Was. Its incredible how one person can grab hold of your wrist, all the while claiming they're gentle and will take care of you, let nothing happen to you. The grab is turning sore but they've scared you into believing what they say through their clenched jaw and angry eyes. Underneath their flowery lies, you find they're cruel, rough and they inflict the harm upon you they swore they'd never let touch you. A betrayal you never imagined could come from someone you were so sure was the one. 
One year later and I've safely, finally escaped the hell-hole. My hazel, proud eyes are opened to what I endured and the blessings have become abundant in successfully letting go of that past. Hard but necessary. A little battered, bruised and sore, I've emerged and am holding on with all the grip I have to the new life I've discovered, almost handed to me on a silver platter. Better than anything else, is I have my voice back and a man who will listen to it without telling me what to say or how to feel. All the sudden those years of ache are behind me, the pain is invisible and all I can wrap my mind around anymore is the beauty in the life I'm living. 

The Conversation in the Kitchen

Thank you
Those words will never suffice nor truly show you the impact you made on my heart, soul and mind. Perhaps, unless you read these words and then my mind, you'll never know what the conversation in the kitchen did to me. For once, someone finally saw deeper than my skin and had a taste of what I've felt. I saw the sympathy in your eyes, heard it in your voice and felt it in your long embraces. I needed that, I needed you, more than I was ever aware. I'm a long way from perfect, but because of you I have the confidence to get there. (i hope and i pray every single night that i never lose you) You looked me over and you smiled, called me pretty and pulled me in, again. Maybe its cliche, being a girl and all, but that gesture sent me soaring and changed the girl I see in the mirror, now. Its possible you thought everything you said were merely words, but to me, they changed me. My confidence. My happiness. My motivation. My life. I owe the heart-transformation to you, dear. You perfect person, thank you.

Really Reality

The swing of things are swinging back into place, bulkily landing at my feet reminding me how real reality is. There is the other reminder. That look in your eyes and the spark in your fingertips reinforces the knowledge you've given me that reality doesn't have to be faced alone, really. Maybe for some, and maybe I used to have that, but not anymore. You've changed the gravel path I once walked on to a flower-filled, vanilla scented stroll through the park in the middle of summer. This is the reality I'm becoming used to, praying daily it never will ever, ever end.

The Best Place in the World

These are undoubtably the longest days.

Moments, hours without you feel cold and cruel

Even when your voice is on the other line

Or your words are held in my palm

I long for your touch, kiss and handsome stare.

Physically, I'll miss you the most.

Thank heavens yesterday was so divine.

Sunday naps

My legs across your lap

You hold my hand and gently kiss it

Your entrancing blue eyes looking at mine

I stare at your profile, so captivating 

Relaxing on the leather couch

Just talking

Bonding

Feeling as good as it gets.

I can't help but let my mind wander to bigger things

I never want this to end.

Today I'll live off of memories and eager plans.

Until the next time I can wrap my arms around your body

And smile into your eyes

Finally back in the place I love to be.

The best place in the world.

You.

campus

tired eyes, dragging feet. experienced souls and newcomers all thrown together in one large plot of land. open minds and cups waiting for filling. i spy individuals napping in corners, noses hidden behind books, eyes glued to computer screens. as many in the hall as in the classrooms. scattered people avoiding eye contact. its a first-day kind of day for sure. the frostbit air gushes through the big glass doors as they open, chilling those near by and each chair slowly becoming occupied. wondering, wandering minds. 'how will i fare these next few months?' what friends will i make, who will i meet, type pondering. lounging on a circular couch to myself. ...and this is only the beginning.

The Purest Kind of Happiness

Filled to the brim with only the best
After a night of sleep and dreams
My heart is still eager to burst with this
This isn't something I've felt, before
Happiness was always mine
Always something I held here
But never has it been this happy
I owe you my world and my smile
You're the missing puzzle piece
The filler to all the holes inside me
My angel with hidden wings
Mine, best of all
My reason to smile and look forward
Everything in this moment is perfect
And flawless, just how it should be

crash

again.

i was sure this was done - water under the bridge.

but here i am

i'm looking back in that same mirror.

the last place i wanted to be.

that person will never know how much those words

no matter how lace-coated 

affect me and pierce my heart when they're harsh.

its like years of striving for approval

crash.

i'm sorry i'm imperfect. 

i'm sorry i'm not living up to the standard.

i apologize for being a lesser version of myself.

i'll try harder

i won't stop until i know you're proud.