Change

If you could change everything about yourself, everything about your life, would you? 
How far is too far to be altered?
When did it become so unpopular to just be who you are? That special person God created you to be?
Why can't you be her? Why do you fight so hard to be anyone else?
You're good enough to be you. You're you for a reason.
If you could change everything about yourself...
I hope you wouldn't. 

2am Rambles

Its bound to be an Owl Eyes night, tonight. Figures. I don't have a lot of nights different than that. Too much to do. Too much to think about. Too much to smile about. Too much to stress out about. Too much to handle normally, really. Its all too much but anything other than just that wouldn't be roped inside what I like to brag about.

Today was pretty. Productivity throughout the chilly day and the frozen night ended in kisses. 

Why, though, does tomorrow always have to loom over my sleepless head? Why is my mind incapable of embracing laying lazily on the couch and keeping my thoughts there? What if I don't want to worry about what tomorrow is going to put on the plate? What if I like being oblivious to the fact that I'm technically an adult? Wishful thinking, again... One of my talents.

At least if I slept I could live inside of a dreamland for a while before reality becomes a part of me, again, you know? They say the overly-creative minds don't need as much sleep. I wish I wasn't so overly-creative, in that case. 

Well, the night is getting closer to becoming the morning. Perhaps I should try again to sleep? Or at least relax a while.

Goodnight, goodnight. 

Hearts.

Once there was a heart.
I held it tightly in my arms, I protected that piece of him with my life and I gave up pieces of myself, risking my sanity and my name to keep it proud, powerful and strong. Just like he would have wanted.
I placed my fragile, eager heart in his hands in return. He promised me it was his to keep forever and it could not be in safer, more reliable hands.
Thats when I learned words are nothing without actions to back them up.
I just became an accessory to his already charmed life. Just a hand to hold to boost his ego and help his image. When he said 'I love you' his eyes said otherwise. When he kissed me, his mind was elsewhere. His touch was cold and cruel. His alternative motives consumed him and I got lost in the mess he made.
I gave that heart far too many chances.
I convinced myself the rumors I'd heard were lies.
I swore his mistakes were making him better.
I've never been more wrong.
Finally, a blessing in disguise, he dropped my heart. Carelessly. He didn't care anymore. He hadn't for a long time.
Stupid little me, I always knew he didn't mean what he said. I'm just a wishful thinker.
Fast forward a few months...
There is a new heart.
And this one? Oh, its better.
Life is so much better.

Here Goes Nothing

Dancing on he tips of my toes, I'm not coming down from this high.
Here seems like a nice place to stay. A quaint place to settle down and make myself at home with a pretty set of hands to hold.
Here goes nothing. __ _____ ___. Its true.
I don't know how this magic fell into our hands. Well, I do. I was there. I just wonder how I became so fortunate.
Why'd you choose me? Why'd I get the luck this time? Its so unlike me.
Its been a long time since I've felt so comfortable, now all I want to do is lay on your chest and talk to you. It feels good to finally be listened to. To be something special rather than something available.
Even tragedies can have happy endings. Thanks for the lesson, dear.

putting an end to it

i'm shutting down, its an overwhelming feeling i can't break off my sleeve.
i'd rather have the truth than something insincere. wouldn't you, too?
your pretty little mind is chalk-full of happily-ever-after dreams and that smile on your face reminds you of your newly found butterflies.
somehow i have to be the one with enough courage to tell you its doomed, headed towards a path of disapproval. a trail they wouldn't follow.
this privilege is one i'm trying to figure out how to shy away from. but its too hard to stray away from what must be done for everyones good.
darlin', it just doesn't feel right, no one thinks so.
just because i have it, doesn't mean you need to, also.
i'm shutting down, its an overwhelming feeling i can't break off my sleeve.

Weight on the Mind

How do you hold a broken glass together in your hand?
How can you convince yourself this mess is part of the plan?
How can I do this when my hearts screaming its wrong?
How do I find the meaning in this stuck-on-repeat song?

I want to have this and get that sparkle back.
This isn't something you find when you wander off the good track.
But hearts and minds collide and splash you with reality.
Keep reminding myself I've got to live this life for me.

Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same.
Got to face the music, I would be the one to blame.
Deep down I think I love this but my skin is crying 'no.'
Makes me wonder why when I was young I wanted so badly to grow.

December

Welcome, welcome month of frozen cheeks and ice-cold fingers. Welcome back numb toes and late-night shivers. Now that you're here and you've brought your chills, I realize I've actually missed you - not just for your pretty holiday and the chance I get to celebrate another year of my life - but because you, yourself are pretty great, too. If only you'd let buckets of snow flakes tumble gracefully to the earth. It will be official, then. So welcome back, December. Good to see you, again.